Thoughts on just being a guy

[sebbie]

Just Having Fun by Myself

Guys have long had what I describe as a “love-hate” relationship with straps and thongs. It used to be a male “rite of passage” to acquire your first strap—the old school kind that exposed your butt cheeks and left your butt crack completely uncovered. That was only part of what made an old school strap interesting. The really wide elastic waistband, as much as 3 inches, was interesting But perhaps the most interesting part was the rubbery gritty texture to the pouch. And of course, a hard cup added yet another interesting dimension. Combine this with the fact that there might be a bunch of other males in the gym locker room parading around and showing their physiques while wearing only this as well, and this made for interesting times for a guy not “used” to doing this. Some guys were bound to have a “reaction” to the mere thought of getting into a strap and doing this, let alone actually doing it.

I confess, for me, getting to be in an old school strap is one of my favorite things to do, and I have a stash of them for just that purpose. I am wearing a favorite one of mine as I write this.

Men’s thongs came along a bit later in time, really in the 1980s. Thongs are fun in part because they touch in areas of the body a standard strap ignores. When I discovered that a properly fitting thong puts a nice pressure on the perineum, I was hooked. But I also quickly got hooked on the idea of the thong strap cinching between my glutes as I walked and exercised. It's a subtle but neat sensation, a sensation that tends to “grow on me as I move around during the day.

A properly fitting thong pushes the penis upward and forward, something that always feels good. But why not combine that with an old school strap, with that gritty feeling rubberized pouch trying to press me in the opposite direction. A conflict, for sure, but a fun conflict. The tricky part is finding a thong with a back narrow enough so that it cuts snug between the glutes but wide enough to constantly remind me that it is there and working its magic.

Would it surprise you to learn I am wearing a favorite thong under my Duke strap as I write this. This feels so neat it helps me think up and share ideas that you also might want to try.

But why stop there? Why not pull on a pair of my really snug fitting Tesla running tights (size SM). They feel really great and keep the pressure on the thong and strap in all the right places. I can go all day this way just enjoying my body and the sensations it produces. Being a guy is really fun! Especially when horny and sharing experiences with readers.

[sebbie]

More Having Fun

Generally, guys face two major problems in life. At a very young age a guy learns that it is entirely possible to get an erection or even have an orgasm at a place in a situation that is neither private nor appropriate. When I was twelve, erections seemed to be fleeting events, events that came and went for no apparent reason and with no apparent reason. For me, this started at about age 12, or maybe even earlier than that.

It was not long before I discovered that just having an erection could be quite an enjoyable experience, and it was not that long after that I started “encouraging” them to happen in various ways. The tricky part was the privacy issue. I knew that I needed to be either alone or working under cover of darkness—that is, playing with being asleep under the covers when in fact I was engaging in “self-abuse”. I soon picked up on all sorts of ways to do this, perhaps my favorite was getting an erection started by hand and then rubbing the underside of my penis onto the sheet. Sometimes this made me cum, but if I did this early enough at night the cum stains would be dry by morning, which was a relief, and the starchy splotches on my pajama bottoms also at least dry. But still I always worried that I would somehow, perhaps inadvertently have an orgasm too far into the morning that the stain would not be dry by the time I awoke and got dressed for school. That was embarrassing. I worried that I needed to get my timing correct.

I was also having problems with ejaculating in situations where I really did not want to deal with the issues. There were long bus rides to and from school over gravel roads, and the bus seats seemed to vibrate a lot. This would sometimes be plenty strong enough to lead to a full-blown ejaculation and the stains meant that I needed to exit the bus with some care. Fortunately, this almost never happened on the early morning rides. So, getting off the bus I was into a private home setting, not school.

A lot of guys seem to think that they would be extremely happy if their mind could be the only thing that could tell their body when they should be aroused, when they should have an erection and exactly when ejaculation should or should not occur. But a basic problem is that this is not how the male body works, at least for much of the time. Arousal comes and goes pre-erection, if at all. Not every arousal leads to an erection. Erections come and go, and not every erection leads to an ejaculation. In short, a major part of becoming an adult male involves developing an understanding that a lot of this does not occur in an orderly way, and if some of the disorder embarrasses the guy, that is the way it is. Deal with it!

So, the second problem the now adult males must deal with is not the problem of getting an erection that they do not want, but rather that of not getting an erection when the time is appropriate, and they do want one. This quickly gets into some complicated stuff involving things that turn on a guy and set the arousal process in motion. Large numbers of books have been written on the subject. One conclusion is that it is far easier to get an erection when you do not want one than it is to get an erection that you want but your body somehow refuses to go along. If the mere thought of wearing a snug-fitting swim brief sends a guy not only into an erection but maybe even an orgasm, why is it often so difficult for a guy who desperately wants an erection but his body refuses to go along with the desire?

Over the years, I have learned lots of stuff about what my body likes down there and exactly what thoughts get me horny. I “play” with this stuff on a regular basis, but tossed into another world, a world in which I would have to perform for a partner, I might easily fail in my efforts. Yet, what I have learned about myself and my body could prove useful in partner sex as well.

[sebbie]

The Speedo® Challenge

For guys at least, the desire to feel horny is all but universal. Guys generally realize that they can easily get into the mode of feeling horny when they are wearing something that fits snugly in the area containing their penis and balls. Better still if whatever is snug fitting is made of a stretchy smooth cloth as well. Guys generally like the feel of this in the groin area and come to realize this at a very young age, perhaps even before puberty has fully set in. There is just something erotically going on in such a situation.

But guys also realize that the marvelous instance when a guy feels horny can quickly lead to other stuff happening, like getting big and hard. While this is also very enjoyable, this can lead to male “problems” such as the idea that others may notice what is happening. And this can lead to situations that are not only embarrassing, but especially lead to teasing and bullying by peer males—a particular problem for teenagers.

A basic issue is an unwritten “rule” that says a guy should only get aroused or get a hard on when with a sexual partner, and for a lot of males, the only acceptable sexual partner is a female, presumably a willing one. If a guy is with a male in some way and gets a hard on, that therefore is “proof” that the guy is gay. Obviously this may not be the case, but that does not mean that guys do not worry about inadvertently being labeled as gay if the erection occurs in any instance that does not involve a female.

The classic Speedo® thus presents a problem for many guys. First. The brief is made of slick, stretchy cloth that fits snugly around the penis and balls. The penis is (usually) fully covered, but the outline of the guy’s anatomy is quite obvious, and, in particular, the condition the guy is in. Guys with big flaccid penises have more issues in this regard, because the may appear to be erect when they are not. A lot of guys will not wear swim briefs because they do not want to have to deal with this, even though at some level they are turned on by the idea of wearing a skimpy brief made of a slick, stretchy material. It is not simply wearing the brief but the idea of wearing the brief in a situation where they will be seen in public. For first time wearers, they do not know exactly what will happen to them once inside, but they fear the worst. This leads to admiring the guys who wear Speedos® seemingly without giving it all a second thought. Just another article of clothing and zero concerns over inadvertent arousal and erections!

Still, nothing that fits that tight in the groin area can be completely innocuous. Guys who have not yet worn a swim brief from any manufacturer are also bothered by the perhaps well-founded perception that the guys who do wear the briefs are somehow enjoying them in a sexual way, even if they have overcome the urge to be erect once they are in the brief. This becomes a mixture of fear and wonderment of sorts. Dare I do this or not? How will my body react if I do? Can I try on a Speedo® in private, and my bedroom first, and see exactly how all of this happens to me or not?

If I end up “liking” being in a Speedo® and I end up feeling horny once I am in and start to get erect, what does that mean? Does that somehow make me gay? Even more complicated are questions related to situations where I have a male friend who somehow has also thought about the same issues and is in this position of wanting to try on a swim brief too. What if we both get swim briefs and try them on at the same time/ Does that somehow make us both gay? Complicated questions here.

And then there are the women. A lot of women claim they dislike seeing any man wearing any sort of swim brief--many women, but not necessarily all. If I have a girlfriend, what is she going to say if she sees me wearing one? Part of the rules many females abide by is the debunked idea that men should only get horny and erect in the presence of a female who is or will become a sexual partner for intercourse, and the rest of the stuff I am talking about is for guys who are “abnormal”.

The entire connection between wearing a Speedo® and being gay is a complicated one. Speedo® until relatively recently, simply ignored the notion that wearing one and being gay could be linked for some guys, but now you go to their Web Site and in the briefs there is an entire section of maybe a dozen briefs either in rainbow colors, Gay Pride logos or some combination. Are these all sold to gay guys, or to guys who support the gay movement by wearing one of the briefs? I doubt the company would even know.

I am also very interested in the YouTube videos by Christian Ocean, a blogger fascinated with the question of how a guy who has never before worn a swim brief or a thong in public will deal with the situation. Somehow he finds guys that while having never done this before, are not put off by the idea.

Of course, the swim briefs Speedo® offers under their own brand are modest by what you can get from other online sources. They used to sell a thong, but no longer do. And the vast majority of briefs have wide sides, typically 2 ½ inches or wider, the Solar brief being slightly skimpier. Mostly the choices relate to colors and fabrics, and no longer just solid colors but a vast array of prints and fabrics.

Nowadays, a guy can go on line and find an array of swim briefs and thongs that are way snugger and skimpier than that, make an order for some of those, and experiment in private. The number of vendors and the choices suggest that this is a very popular thing for guys to do. Relatively recent are the briefs and thongs being sold to perhaps be worn either as skimpy underwear or as swimwear. The guys wearing these as swimwear have clearly gotten over any fear they might have had of appearing in public in clothing that is really skimpy in the groin.

Progress is being made! Have fun in your Speedos® and enjoy who you are.

[sebbie]

Notes for Guys considering first time wearing a Speedo®

Male sexuality can seem very complicated. At an early age, guys discover that feeling horny (aka arousal) can be very enjoyable. Once puberty comes on the role of erections and having an orgasm that results in ejaculate takes on a critical role as well. Feeling horny is fun! Getting a hard on is even more fun! Ejaculating semen is right up there with the most fun things a guy can do!

The difficulty, of course, is that also at a very early age a guy discovers that he cannot directly control any of these events. He can set up situations whereby these events are more likely to occur, or not. But sometimes part or all of this can occur, well, inadvertently. A key problem younger guys face, at least, is that he realizes these events are supposed to occur in the presence of a (female) sexual partner, not alone, or perhaps even with another male. Yet, somehow a guy’s body pays zero attention to that “rule”. But even if this were true, does this mean that a guy needs to manage to delay getting aroused, getting a hard on, or ejaculating until he is old enough to be seriously in a relationship with a sexual partner?

Obviously not. Guys get horny, get erections and have orgasms regularly when they are not with anyone else, let alone a sexual partner. As a young person, this is all part of growing up. This is also “training” of sorts on how to cope with a male body that sometimes simply “ignores” what the mind thinks it should be doing. Dealing with all of this is simply part of entering adulthood.

What does this have to do with wearing a Speedo® for the first time? I was hooked on the idea of wanting to wear a Speedo® from the moment I saw what they were and how they fit in the groin area, Well, maybe not a genuine Speedo® but any male swim brief made from a shiny, stretchy, snug-fitting material. I already knew quite a bit about my penis from my wet dreams, which I quickly mastered techniques to “encourage" them. That rubbing and stroking my penis was really enjoyable, and I naturally assumed that my penis would greatly “enjoy” being snugly encased in a brief made of soft and slick material. Owning a Speedo® or similar was an important make rite of passage even if it was only as a garment used masturbation, not for swimming, but a garment every male should still own.

Turns out, I was correct. Let me also say this about sexuality. Part of what makes sexuality so much fun with a sexual partner is that it seems to work better when there is a degree of uncertainty about what is about to happen and exactly what will happen and how good it will feel. For married guys, or even guys in a long-term relationship with a partner, if these relationships are to be successful over a long term, them both individuals need to make sure that partner sex has not become very predictable and therefore boring. Penises hate predictability. Penises much prefer situations that are snug but unpredictable. (This is also true for the comparable parts of the female anatomy as well, but I won’t go into that here.)

So, feeling uncertain about how you and your penis will “react” to being in a Speedo® for the very first time is a good thing not a bad thing. If you are contemplating all of this and have purchased any swim brief with the intent of trying it on in private, you probably already have discovered the horniness part already. How will my body react once I am in the brief and will I be able to keep my urges under control? This uncertainty is part of the fun, not a problem.

More interesting still is having a male buddy (I will not refer to him as a male partner) who somehow is open enough to reveal that he would like to do the same thing—try on a Speedo® for the very first time. That could get interesting too, as each contemplates his own response but the response of the other. Is such an event somehow “gay”? Some guys might say so, but others might say it's all just a very normal part of being a male. I tend to fall in the latter camp. Just because a guy gets aroused by pulling on a swim brief in the presence of another male who is also doing the same thing and experiencing something similar has zero to do with whether a guy will ultimately decide to enter in a sexual relationship with either another male or instead with a female. A lot of guys seem to not understand that at all and that leads to unwarranted teasing and bullying situations.

Coping with how your body reacts to situations your body sees as “novel” is part of becoming an adult. And part of this is built around the realization that with sexuality, orders that you might want to give in any situation might be rejected at another level. Deal with that! It is part of who you are as a human being.

So, if a guy becomes aroused, gets an erection, and maybe even ejaculates into his newly-acquired Speedo® this should not be cause for alarm or somehow be feared. The biggest issue is to how to wash out the ejaculate and dry the brief without alerting others. The next time this guy tries it on, the sensations will be more familiar, and the stress might be less. Maybe this time the guy experiences an erection but manages to stave off ejaculation. Technically, this guy is doing what I would call edging with a Speedo, something that can quickly become a quite pleasant thing to do on a regular basis.

The novelty of the situation at hand is really what fuels the arousal, erection and ejaculation. If the guy were not at least somewhat uncertain about what could happen once in the Speedo, none of this would likely happen. But this novelty and uncertainty is what fuels the sexual fires on multiple levels. It fuels the purchase of swim briefs that are ever tighter and skimpier, the swim thong movement, and furthering an understanding of what feels really good to wear.

All of this is fun stuff and no functioning male should deny himself!

[sebbie]

TMI?

Men’s swim briefs are not normally advertised on the many streaming channels. However, the ads that appear on the streaming channels are getting more and more detailed, and outlining topics that were long ruled inappropriate for broadcast TV because they contained too much information.

I was thinking about this text for a swim brief ad on a streaming channel. But then I started thinking this information might work better as text for a hang tag on each brief sold, designed to alert new buyers of issues with wearing the swim brief. With all of the increasingly explicit advertising on TV, why not make the buyer aware of this issue on the hang tag, where fabric care is usually the topic.

“A properly fitting swim brief should fit quite snug for best performance in the water. The cloth will stretch a little as the brief is worn, so in order to keep the snug fit it is best to downsize one waist size. Be aware that many males when initially wearing a swim brief experience unexpected reactions, and this could lead to an inadvertent and unexpected erection. Occasionally this can result in an ejaculation. Be aware that for most males this reaction to wearing a new, properly-fitting swim brief is normal and the issue normally recedes after the wearer has worn the brief for a few times. Ejaculate can ordinarily be removed from the brief by soaking the brief in warm (not hot) water. Please hand wash to improve the durability and retain the stretch.”

[Lap Counter]

“ Occasionally this can result in an ejaculation. Be aware that for most males this reaction to wearing a new, properly-fitting swim brief is normal and the issue normally recedes after the wearer has worn the brief for a few times. Ejaculate can ordinarily be removed from the brief by soaking the brief in warm (not hot) water. Please hand wash to improve the durability and retain the stretch.”

And that’s why stores insist you wear underwear while trying on swimwear (even though that makes it impossible to figure out if something fits or not) and why returns aren’t accepted.

[sebbie]

Is it OK to Just Jerk Off in a Speedo® ?

Once way back, when I likely was about 12 years old, I went to see a doctor. Apparently, I had just discovered some ways to enjoy myself down there. Whatever I was doing by myself was a lot of fun, and apparently I explained enough to the doctor that he knew exactly what I was attempting to ask. The approximate response was:

“What you have been doing is not harmful, but you probably should not be doing that!”

This was in the 1950s, and the mere mention that a guy was engaging himself in this way was considered abnormal. Never mind that guys my age were “doing it” on a regular basis anyway.

Over a period of nearly 70 years, I have uncovered a remarkable list of ways to “do it” and I have enjoyed myself immensely. For a long time I have been sharing the details of exactly how I engage myself alone to others, the primary outlet being this Web site. Between the two big posts, “What to Wear” and “Thoughts on Just Being a Guy” at the current count I have over 365,000 reads. I do not know how or why these readers keep piling up like this, but I am delighted with the interest in the stuff I write about, and apparently the topics I discuss are helpful but particularly guys who are still stuck in a time warp about the entire subject of solo pleasuring like I was back when I was but 12 years old.

This brings me to the current day, having wandered through an era when a male being sexually attracted to another male was considered a mental abnormality, to a day were the major discussion seems to be focused on an acceptance of practically any form of sexual behavior other than those that do harm to another person such as rape and pedophilia (the whole LGBTQ thing). Having said that, I am not sure that if a male admitted to others that he spent time jerking off in a Speedo® that would make him part of the Q but not part of the LGBT component? Still, suppose I were back in the 7th grade and another peer male schoolmate happened to see me jerking off—perhaps not even in a Speedo® but maybe in a pair of tighty whiteys, underwear that was all but universal for guys when I was a young lad. Suppose this male who saw me was mean, and told his male peers what I was doing, and the male peers immediately claimed that since I was jerking off in my underwear that I would clearly be growing up as a gay guy, and I would be teased and bullied.

You see the problem. In my mind the LGBTQ community tries to cover all the variations in human sexuality and activities other that good old fashioned sex between a male and a female. But in the process leaves out an important category of males and females who are perfectly happy in a situation whereby they are more than OK with solo masturbation as a sexual release both short and long term.

Over the years I have had a number of male friends who once had but no longer have female partners. These people tend to gravitate to me because they know I have been single and unattached all my adult life, and they wonder how I survive. Perhaps what they really want to know is the details on how I “do it” as outlined in my paper here, but they are too embarrassed to ask the necessary questions and I am not about to start telling stories on my own.

I suppose I could try and clarify all of this. The first point I would make is that I never have felt a compelling desire to have sex with, or worse, had actually live with, a female partner. I decided that I had no interest at age 12. The few times I had something of a date with a woman I wanted to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Somehow the women also seemed to sense my disinterest in them to, so I gave up on the entire idea of dating women by the time I was 25 (maybe 21). This was not something I had any interest spending either time or money on.

I would make an unworthy gay guy too. So much of the gay male community seems focused on who and under what circumstance are you having anal sex with a male partner, and I am rather turned off by all of that. If a guy really wants to have an orgasm via prostate massage, there are any number of vibrators and estim devices that do an excellent job of that without any risk of getting an STD or worse. I do get a kick out of seeing exactly how another guy masturbates, but there are plenty of porn sites that have videos of that. There are even plenty of videos showing how a guy can have an orgasm while wearing a suit from Speedo® or Arena®. But if calling yourself gay because you have anal sex with a male partner, I want none of that. So this rules me out of the G category.

Still, I am very fond of being a male, and find it odd that any person born as a male could somehow be unhappy with the situation as it originally was. I have zero interest in acting out any part of the female role such as clothing or makeup. I take photos of myself as a male clad in swim briefs, and I am proud of what I am and how I look as a male clad only in a Speedo®. So I clearly do not fall into the T category. Indeed, I think the mad dash of people trying to change their biological sex without first having time for exploring the nuances of what they were originally to be more than crazy. Why does a male want to be female before one has completed the task of finding out how enjoyable being a male really is? I could give lessons on this.

I have spent the bulk of my life as a single guy who has always enjoyed being single and in a situation where I have always had the privacy to engage in fun activities that might prove embarrassing if I were not living alone, and I protect my privacy in that regard. If other males want to learn how to do this I have written a lot of tips and advice on the subject.

For the swimwear brief manufacturers, I have frequently wondered what percentage of the brief sales at companies such a Speedo® and Arena® are sold to guys who probably have no plans to wear one of the products at a pool or beach, but use them for self pleasuring as a neat way to jerk off. I suspect a significant share of them. Online stores are filled with other kinds of gear that can be readily used for jerking off as well, the straps, the thongs, the compression shorts and tights too (using these used to be associated with having an abnormal fetish for certain kinds of clothing, but that claim has dissipated in recent years too), and there is an array of vacuum pumps, estim devices and vibrators designed to be stimulating down there as well. At age 12 I knew nothing about all of this, but somehow, I have managed. For me this has been a case of lifelong learning.

For males engaged in partner sex with another person, the serious sexual encounter often goes for only 7 to 10 minutes tops. One thing the porn sites teach for guys is how to edge, as in getting aroused and staying aroused for long periods of time, for hours if not days. Over time, I habe become an expert on edging, and owning a Speedo® is a basic way to begin to learn how to edge, as a Speedo can be used as an undergarment that may keep you feeling horny all day (or perhaps all night) long. Still, even in the modern “anything goes” acceptance of sexual choices and behaviors that were once regarded as deviant, there remains no place in this new world where a male plans to go home and just spend some time jerking off in a Speedo® no matter how much sheer pleasure it brings. And that is sad….