Thoughts on just being a guy

[sebbie]

Part XII

What does all of this have to do with options for men’s clothing? Interestingly, quite a lot! For example, take a look at the wide range options in male underwear, all of which come in contact with the male penis. There are situations and places where a guy is so distracted by the other things he is doing that feeling horny is not something that can be accommodated very easy. But there are other situations, maybe a leisurely Saturday afternoon without work or school to intrude, where a guy would like to be in and can maintain a semi-aroused state without distraction.

Look at the wide range of men’s underwear in the store. Some of it fits really loose, some of it fits snug and tight, some, like maybe a Spandex®-laced thong, fits really snug and tight. A guy might buy loose fitting cotton boxers for wear in situations where being sexually aroused would simply be a distraction, or perhaps as an undergarment to be worn in a gym locker room where the guy does not wasn’t to call undue attention to himself and that he even has male body parts.

But, the same guy’s wardrobe might also include snugger, tighter undergarments, garments that are more likely to press the male arousal buttons. These are regularly worn in situations where a guy would welcome feeling a little horny, because of the fit and feel of wearing something that fits snugly around all those super-neat nerve endings in a guy’s penis.

Then of course there are the items that a guy thinks fit so neat that they would almost instantly send him into an arousal/erection/orgasm frenzy, particularly if the guy has never owned one of those before. A related issue is finding the ideal underwear for a guy to wear if he is going on a date with a female which might end in penis-vagina sex and how the particular female might “react” to seeing him wearing each of these options. A most interesting puzzle! A particular style of underwear makes ME feel horny but will it have a similar effect on HER when for the first time she sees me wearing it? What a dilemma!

The thought has occurred to me that underwear manufacturers somehow understand at least some of what I have just told you. There may be some guys who always wear loose-fitting cotton boxers, and some guys who always wear skimpy bikini briefs, plus lots of guys in between the two options for which full-cut briefs or boxer briefs become the underwear of choice. One could easily get the impression that underwear sections of stores are attempting to cater to all these different customers.

But then there might be a significant share of customers who keep wardrobes with underwear options in a variety of cuts and styles, knowing fully that some of these are better suited for wear when a guy wants to feel horny and feeling horny will not be a distraction versus what the guy might wear when his mind is preoccupied with other non-sexual focused stuff he might be doing that day. Personally I tend to solve this puzzle every morning on a daily basis.

I find it interesting that the reading I have done on this subject suggests that most sexual therapists and psychiatrists (usually female it appears) seem to think that any guy who gets aroused simply when he wears underwear of a particular cut, design or style must somehow have a fetish to that particular clothing style, and further, this is somehow an abnormal sexual condition that needs to be treated with psychiatric therapy. But then it is not that many years ago that the entire group of medical-trained psychiatrists seem to think that being gay was abnormal and a “disease” of sorts that could be treated with the right therapy as well.

Having lost that battle over the claim that gay guys were somehow sick in-the-head in the 70s, the therapists quickly moved on to the idea that any guy who got aroused while simply wearing snug-fitting underwear was now clearly sick and needed help. This is all pretty funny if you stop and think about it, all going back to mothers teaching daughters that the only thing that can arouse a guy is the right female and that the daughter can use that information to her advantage as leverage in getting a guy to do nearly everything the female wants. The sex experts merely adopted the same idea the mothers were teaching their daughters. The idea that normal, decent guys can and often do get aroused in the absence of a female partner simply does not compute in this female fantasy world of make believe..

Meanwhile you have all these underwear manufacturers who realize that there is a large market for underwear designs that guys secretly think will make them feel quite good “down there,” and this market has exploded in recent years, particularly with the ability to purchase items in private on line. Guys no longer need to have the embarrassment of buying something snug, tight and slick by making a purchase with a (usually female) sales clerk.

Then there are the jeans. The current trends in men’s where everything is low rise, and with a form-fitting cut, happened once before in my lifetime in the years 1962-1968. Back then I was in high school and then in college, and I thought there was nothing so much fun to wear as a pair of very narrow-cut sand-colored denim jeans over a pair of snug-fitting tighty whitey briefs. That combination made me feel really good, merely thinking about wearing it sometimes soon sent me into an uncontrollable orgasmic frenzy which unfortunately I somehow knew I had to keep secret.

All of this also predates all the snugger-fitting bikini brief underwear and men’s thongs that showed up in the decade or two to follow. Oddly enough it has only been in recent years—the past 10 years maybe, that the really snug-fitting men’s jeans became popular again. I find the resent trend most interesting in that previous to that jeans had gotten really wide legged and sloppy fitting and I presume normally covered the bodies of guys wearing very loose fitting cotton boxers.

The stylish skinny jeans now simply do not work well with loose-fitting boxers and a style of underwear needs to be snug-fitting and usually a brief of some sort not a boxer brief with longer legs. Plus the now Spandex®-laced denim gives a tighter fit than was available in the 1960s, almost like a second skin of compression gear made of what looks like denim.

At this point I could go into a discussion of compression gear and swimwear for guys but I am going to hold off on that for now. I am going to end this discussion by saying that guys wearing the latest skinny-jeans styles are probably covering underwear that fits quite snug and tight while at the same time dealing with the some of the feelings of being constantly horny and a bit aroused just by wearing what they are wearing. I have difficulty given the designs seeing how guys can avoid that. But keep in mind the current trend is a strong reaction to the loose-fitting clothing almost designed to assure that the guy would not feel horny unless he was with a partner who wanted sex with him.

And the so-called sex experts understand almost nothing of what I have just told you about what goes on with guys. For guys just discovering all of this, don’t be embarrassed by what you have just learned. The best thing to do is just roll with it and also recognize the other guys your age around you are trying to cope with the same or very similar set of issues with respect to their own bodies and the associated feelings and sensations.

For guys, it is all as normal as sunshine, and most of the sex educators and therapists who claim to be experts are in fact clueless on a host of things they think they understand.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XIII

So, once a guy reaches puberty, he very soon learns that his penis is very fond of being in a place that is snug, slick and smooth. Dealing with this discovery quickly ends up being the complicated part of life from day-to-day.

A guy gradually pieces together the idea that this all might have something to do with being an adult and having sex with another person, most commonly a female about the same age, but dealing with this finding quickly gets complicated. Still a guy also quickly discovers that feeling horny on a regular basis and discovering the nuances of those interesting nerve endings in the groin area is not something that is going to somehow disappear or simply ignored as if it was not there.

As a guy gets older, this all just keeps getting more and more complicated. It is normal for guys to think that all of their male friends (well, maybe most of them) have somehow come up with a simple way to deal with all of this (typically having frequent sex with a willing female) The most popular guys on campus tend to brag about the sexual conquests they have had which invariably means having sex with some of the most attractive and popular girls on campus.

Of course, a lot more bragging goes on than what is likely happening in reality which in turn makes sorting out the truth from the hype difficult. The truth is that most guys are getting off most of the time in a solo-sex situation even though no guy would ever think about bragging about his own prowess in that regard. Still, the puzzle facing every guy in this respect must somehow be resolved…those horny sensations are really interesting and enjoyable and every guy knows that, so something has to give.

What happens, of course, is that guys gradually figure out schemes for getting off on a regular basis that are quite private and not easily spotted by anyone else. Mastering these techniques is no small task, and every guy is going to deal with this part of who he is in his own way. The notion of using the right item of clothing as a useful aid to accomplish the objective at hand may become an important part of all this.

What type of clothing? Why anything that would appear to fit snug, slick and smooth certainly would appear to be a potentially useful starting point. I have already mentioned the fact that if you wander through the men’s underwear section of any department store many of the items seem almost made to be purchased and used as jerk-off aid. To the extent that a guy can make a purchase under the guise that he just wants some new underwear when the real purpose is to purchase an item that will end up being useful for jerking off that is all the better, and this would certainly not attract the attention that a sex toy made to be a jerk-off assist would. A guy might own a vibrator for massaging tired muscles but never would he bring that same vibrator anywhere near the underside of his own penis! Yah sure!

Then there is the array of clothing items designed for being engaged in some sport—swimwear for sure but also all sorts of compression gear, running tights, wrestling and bicycling singlets, football pants and, of course, jock straps. A lot of this stuff seems all but made to order for assistance in masturbation. And who would be critical of any guy who enjoyed himself in this way? This is all sweet, harmless fun, with none of the issues and problems related to aving partner sex.

One concern some sex therapists seem to have is not that guys won’t find good jerk-off methods that are quite enjoyable, but that the methods employed end up be so enjoyable that the guy will decide that a life that includes sex with a partner is simply unnecessary. The mere thought that this situation could happen drives some sex therapists bananas, therapists who believe that the only truly enjoyable sex is sex with a partner, the activity that is somehow put on a pedestal and every other method of reaching a point of ejaculation is inferior, childish or otherwise somehow “wrong”.

Plus, let’s assume that a guy develops some solo sex techniques and methods that he really enjoys. What happens if he decides then to form a relationship with a partner? Dare he even think about showing his partner what he has been up to before the two of them met?

I have often thought that puzzle might be easier for two gay guys to resolve than for two heterosexual partners. Apparently, many females tend to associate male masturbation with somehow being gay, and have no idea of how important a source of erotic pleasure masturbation is for guys.

Sometimes the really interesting and important stuff is anything but how it might initially appear.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XIV

James is invited to a pool party at a house of one of his male friends and classmates, and some female students from school will be there as well. James thinks that the total number will be around 20 people, about evenly divided male and female.

The party will start around 5 pm with swimming, and then an outdoor barbeque on a gas grill that will provide good eating stuff into the evening. This is a very common type of event for guys James’ age, and a chance to get to better know some of the people he interacts with at school on a more-or-less daily basis.

Of course, the whole idea when getting invited to someone’s house with a pool is to get to be in the water and swim. The problem comes in figuring out what to wear at such an event. James could just go in a tee shirt and board shorts, which is how the other guys will likely be dressed. The problem with that idea is that after the swimming time is over there will be eating, and the board shorts are going to be soggy wet which is not only uncomfortable, but also looks unsightly. Maybe there is a better strategy.

James comes up with a scheme of wearing board shorts and tee like he thinks the other guys will be wearing along with his flip flops. But he decides to do something interesting. Underneath the board shorts, he puts on a “classic” royal blue Speedo® swim brief. Anyone who has had anything to do with men’s swim briefs knows that this cut and even color is perhaps the most classic and best known of all the Speedo® products. The brief has 3-inch sides, so it is not too brief or too attention-grabbing in that regard, but still, a Speedo® would not be a real Speedo® if it did NOT conform to the mail body slick and snug. James, who has purchased this suit some time ago has tried it on and looked at himself in the mirror, but had not yet gotten up the “nerve” to wear it in public.

The idea James has is to wear the board shorts and tee to the pool edge, and then just before entering the water he plans to discard the still-dry tee and shorts at the side of the pool to be wearing only the royal blue Speedo®. That he does when he gets to the party.

James is relieved that it did not appear that any of the other party goers seemed to pay attention or even particularly notice what he was doing, but he is now in the water wearing only the brief. Or at least, that is what James initially thought, anyway. But the truth is one or two of the guys did see and notice and realized that though covered by the water, James was now only wearing that neat little royal blue brief.

So, within minutes several of the guys were commenting on what James was doing, and a few of the females were aware as well. Females sometimes seem to get almost angry over the idea of guys openly wearing swim briefs, but in this case a few of the guys along with one or two of the females (in collaboration) decide it would be fun to "hide” (I won’t say steal) James’ tee and board shorts, so that when he comes out of the water and heads over by the barbeque grille he is going to be clad only in that tight-fitting royal blue Speedo®.

This is not a mean-spirited deal—James pretty much knows that he will get his still-dry shorts and tee back at the end of the party, but meanwhile he has to deal with the situation he now faces of having to interact with classmates of both sexes still wearing just the swim brief.

What happens next is very very interesting. Secretly the guys are all interested in seeing if they can discern how James’ body is “coping” with this situation and any indirect information they can get by just careful observation as to how the situation might be impacting the “condition” of James’ groin area or not. Few guys like to admit this in part because in doing so (just wearing a swim brief in a place like this) it might be interpreted as low-level “gay” behavior, but most guys in a situation like this would be most “curious” as to how James is holding up under the circumstance of being the only guy wearing a “Speedo® at the party.

The other thing that is interesting is that Speedo®-clad James, ordinarily a bit quiet shy and maybe even nerdy, suddenly has some females coming over to him to introduce themselves and make small talk. Quiet Speedo® clad James appears to be almost instantly the most popular guy at the pool party/barbeque. James doesn’t know quite what to make of all of his new-found popularity with his classmates either, but he is enjoying it for sure. And, oddly enough the females talking to him seem to not be put off at all by what he is wearing. If James had to guess., he would say that more than a couple of the females seem perhaps even a bit aroused by getting to see him cluse up in the snug brief.

So, there is not a lot more to say. James’ classmates give him back his tee and board shorts as the party concludes. James has become better acquainted with some of his peers, both male and female, than would have been the case had he done te same thing all the other guys did, clothes wise. And James has somehow added to his store of knowledge with respect to how females might behave when faced with a situation like this. In short, the females didn’t act at all like James thought they might given what he had read on the subject about females usually hating it if guys wore swim briefs. Most interesting for sure!

But the most interesting question of all is what the other guys at the party are going to do, swimwear wise, when they are invited to another swimming party set up the same way. The behavior of the females at the party rather shoots holes in the theory that a swim brief is something worn only by the gay guy at the party. And aside from the clothing “theft”, what James was trying to do was quite practical given the circumstances at the event

Plus, the other guys could not help but noticing that by being forced to wear a swim brief at the barbeque (post-swim) part of the party, the ordinarily somewhat shy-and-nerdy James had suddenly become more popular with the females. No sane guy is going to ignore this.

What will happen at the next pool party? James MAY have started a trend of sorts. Will more guys show up at the next party wearing swim briefs under their board shorts? Will a few of the guys be “hoping” that their board shorts will get “stolen” as well while they in the pool so they will be “forced” to go to the barbeque part clad only in a snug swim brief as well? Or will guys just show up for the eats clad only in swim briefs just for the fun of seeing how everyone (but especially the females), react to this?

Challenging questions and issues, all of them!

[sebbie]

Part XV

Only shortly after a guy goes through puberty and accidentally uncovers the sheer fun of having a real orgasm, does he soon learn that somehow, for some strange reason, that his penis really likes to be in a place that is both snug and really slick and smooth.

This is further complicated by a realization that seems to imply that a penis somehow knows when it inside a place that is snug and feels smooth. It is almost as if the male penis somehow, sometimes, has a “mind” of its own. Of course that cannot be, or can it? Is this part of the human body that we simply do not fully understand, even now?

Even more curious is that once inside the space, the penis seems to be able to compute very quickly the amount of space that is available, and then somehow expand just enough to exactly fill the space that is available, no more and no less. Even it, for the moment the penis is not in direct contact with whatever is around it, it seems to “know” that the limits that are imposed and can take full advantage of the surroundings. Even wilder, once it gets to that point it starts telling the guy’s brain that the place it is just barely touching if at all is, well, interesting. This crazy sensations of being confined but to the exact correct amount is one of the goofiest but I have often thought a most interesting part of male sexuality.

I have frequently thought about what I have just told you in instances where partners are not having partner-sex within the confines of a snug space, and how these rules might or might not apply in a situation hereby a guy only seeks to have fun by jerking off, say, wearing a snug-fitting garment such as a swim brief or athletic supporter (aka jock strap).

Also, shortly after puberty, just after a guy begins to think he is beginning to understand some of how this stuff all works, does a guy start to realize that certain inanimate objects, most notably certain items of snug-fitting clothing, will under certain situations tend to create situations that in some ways mimic part of the sensations a guy has during partner sex. This is an amazing conclusion, in some ways mind-blowing, and a discovery that should not be a cause for embarrassment. Well, at least most of the time.

Think about this for a moment. Two clothing items guys may be very reluctant to wear are swimming briefs and athletic supporters (aka straps). Both of them have the potential of putting a guy’s penis in a very confined space. The outcome of that situation could be quite unpredictable. Nothing strikes terror in a young guy more than being in a situation in which he loses control of his own body and then ends up ejaculating in a semi-public setting, and some guys will do whatever they think they need to do to avoid that possibility. Think about how this might relate to you. Did YOU ever get in a situation where you ejaculated when you were in a semi-public place? The logical fear is that merely putting on a swim brief or strap will lead to a personally out-of-control situation. Some excuse for not wearing the item that might accidentally precipitates this and therefore avoids the real problem will be in order.

Except for one thing. Well maybe two things. Guys are naturally curious as to whether their classmates are experiencing a similar “reaction” and thus having the same problem, so any situation that sets up a setting in which ALL the guys will be required to wear a swim brief or strap sets up an interesting place to do “research” on all of this. And perhaps even “contests” as in dares along the lines of “I think I can wear a smaller and snugger swim brief than you can without embarrassing myself.” Lots of guys like to convert what might have been an embarrassing situation into a male contest of sorts.

I must admit that when I was a young man, I was fascinated with the prospect of wearing either a swim brief or a strap. But I wasn’t a swimmer. Not being a swimmer nor engaged is any sport that required a strap when I was in high school, I was still very curious about how the guys who got to wear these items “felt”. They looked like great fun.

It was not long after I got into college and was somewhat on my own that I decided I needed to find out for myself.

Of course, swimming for competition may require and undersized brief and many sports at that time would have required both a strap and a cup, which added another dimension and made everything in the groin area potentially even more interesting.

In this respect, straps may be even weirder than ordinary swim briefs. The core design of the traditional straps seems somewhat “mean” to the genitalia. And what is this idea of keeping a guy’s butt crack totally uncovered, anyway? Straps seem made to tug and pull in all sorts of interesting places in the groin area of a male. Cups make it all even more complicated and interesting.

Guys get torn between the positive desire to simply kick back and enjoy the fun, coupled with the serious worry that if this all works too well an embarrassing ejaculation could occur within the space of only a minute or two. How do the other guys cope, anyway? Will I get teased and bullied if I end up out of control?

Last night I spent some time browsing the Internet with respect to what other authors were now saying about the merits of male solo sex, and in the process run into any number of sites selling what are called sex toys specifically designed for male masturbation. Some of these have gotten wild, crazy and also quite expensive. As I was reading this I was thinking about guys who simply enjoy jerking off either in a swim brief or strap, and face the problem of hiding their jerk-off “toy” from parents, roommates etc. A basic problem with the masturbation toys is that a guy probably can fake an excuse for owning a swim brief or even a strap, but the male masturbation toys leave no room for fake excuses. In comparison, the stuff I suggest you try doing to and with yourself is very tame.

Also, it appears to me that there is a whole new market for male masturbation sex toys to be employed on the guy by a sexual partner, usually female. We ordinarily think of sex as falling into the two categories solo sex and partner sex. But there is an emerging third category in which the partner, with the aid of a sex toy, attempts to get a guy hard and then ejaculate using the toy on him. I suppose this could turn into mutual masturbation as well, but interestingly this is much safer form of sex than interchanging bodily fluids. Not only that, in the case of a male-female couple, the idea now brings a masturbation technique front and forward as a full-fledged not inferior form of human sexual activity. The female, traditionally unhappy being left out when the guy secretly masturbates, is once again a full partner in the entire process.

Interesting!

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XVI

In male-female intercourse, timing is everything. In particular, both participants must a. achieve orgasm and b. this should occur as close to the same time as possible.

For most guys who face a timing problem, it is usually a situation whereby the guy ejaculates too quickly. The medical term for this is premature ejaculation. The frequent consequence of premature ejaculation is that a guy comes so fast that the female does not achieve an orgasm at all. This in turn leads to an assortment of marital problems and issues, culminating in the conclusion that, to put it politely, that the couple is not “sexually compatible”. In short, the good life with a female partner is all about getting the timing right. And, in particular, in the usual case a guy needs to develop his skills at remaining aroused but just under the level where ejaculation takes place. Having developed that skill, the guy might very well be able to make love for an extended period of time. The greatest lovers are able to train themselves to stay aroused but not ejaculate such that the woman can have multiple orgasms in a single lovemaking session, a session that might last 20 or 30 minutes not 2 or 3 minutes. Indeed, that is the goal.

Once past puberty guys quickly become fully aware of how much pure enjoyment is obtained from the male orgasm. The sensations often hit like a lightning bolt and are not to be stopped let alone delayed. The sheer enjoyment of all the events starting with the initial arousal leading via perhaps a long circuitous path that ends with a powerful orgasm is largely ignored. Everything is about the orgasm itself, not the events leading to the orgasm.

So guys usually masturbate directly to orgasm. That lesson was learned quickly. That is what they know how to do. Time is wasting. Orgasms are terrific fun but a guy needs to move quickly and get it over with before, horror of horrors, someone should walk in on him unexpectedly or otherwise figure out what he is doing to and with himself. This is just great training for a guy who will end up ejaculating prematurely as a young adult now in a relationship with a female. What better lesson could there be in teaching yourself how to have an orgasm before she does than seeing how fast you can masturbate to a full orgasm. Sure, keep doing that for months and years and you will have the wrong lovemaking technique down pat.

Sexual arousal is odd in a host of different ways. There are probably as many paths or techniques that guys employ to reach an orgasm as there are guys. This is particularly the case when we are talking about sex by and with yourself. Many of the classic methods purportedly involve porno magazines and videos of one sort or another. I never quite thought that methods employing these two items were quite as popular nor worked quite as well as was generally believed.

Be aware that sometimes guys get themselves in a medical situation where a semen sample is required. What this means that the guy needs to figure out a way of getting himself worked up enough to have an orgasm, but in the complete privacy of a bathroom stall. If the movies are accurate, giving a guy a porno magazine in such a setting is quite common. I have no idea as to whether this scheme somehow works for most guys or not.

I know I am not wired that way. I suspect a lot of other guys might not be either. For me, its all about the touch, the sensation of having something bearing down snuggly and smoothly around my penis. I am very fond of the sensations the underside of my penis is able to generate even when I am only partially hard. I suspect there are other guys who are wired much the same. The porno mags and videos for the most part are bleah… To each his own, I guess.

But, I also know the greatest enjoyment from sex—alone or with a partner—comes from an developing skills that specifically allow a guy to build ever so slowly. I learned these skills, largely on my own, gradually over a lifetime, and infrequently discovering little sexual pleasure hot spots for guys that I was not previously aware of. That I am not quite wired in the same way I think some of my male friends are wired in all of this I see as an advantage not a problem. I have found a path that is both important and useful.

In or out of a relationship a guy can train himself to enjoy himself more in solo sex and be a better lover in partner sex. The lessons cannot all be accomplished in a short period of time. A guy who is used to jerking off quickly is not going to be able to break some undesirable habits given that he is marrying in only a few weeks or even months.

The issue does not get a lot of attention for two reasons

1. How a guy learned to jerk off quickly involves admitting to someone else that he masturbates

2. Even nowadays solo masturbation continues to reign as being politically incorrect and the subject a guy dare not mention to anyone.

I keep asking myself over and over whether two gay guys in a sexual partnership are able to deal with what I have just told you any easier than a heterosexual couple would. On one hand, it should be easier in part because guys generally understand how other guys are sexually wired at least better than how guys understand how females are sexually wired.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XVII

Every once and awhile I like to do some searching and reading on the Internet on topics that interest me, but especially on topics where I am thinking that my own thoughts and ideas perhaps have become out of date. There is no more interesting topic than masturbation. Some of my readers may not know that I had my prostate surgically removed 5 years ago, and I was also interested in seeing how the subject of male masturbation was currently being addressed with respect to its use in prostate surgery recovery.

But first, let me summarize what I learned from the general discussions of masturbation from web sites such as http://healthystrokes.com but many others as well, focusing on males.

Interestingly, the writers on the subject usually are female. This in some ways is encouraging, but in other ways there are biases and things females still tend to get flat-out wrong about males. There is better understanding than in the past, but there are still understanding gaps on the part of females talking about the subject. Having said that, let me summarize and draw some conclusions.

1. For males, straight and gay, the number of orgasms a guy has via masturbation will greatly dwarf the number of orgasms he will have via partner sex in which the penis is inside the partner when the orgasm happens. Based on what I have read, I have been attempting to put a ballpark number on this. The number I come up with is 50. I am thinking of this as an average number across a spectrum of males with a wide range of wages, different sexual orientations, both in and out of relationships. In short, if we were to get an average for all these males, the average would be that the male will have 50 masturbation orgasms for each partner sex orgasm in which the organs are together.

2. My concern with the number 50 is that it may be too low not too high. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there with much higher numbers. Plus a few who claim that they never have an orgasm without the participation of their partner. Plus some guys who claim they have had sex with 50 or 100 different females and also lie when they say they never masturbate.

3. In short, frequent masturbation is really part of who we are for the vast majority of guys, but the tricky part is figuring out how to get into a workable routine in the face of being in close quarters, say in a college dorm room or in a military situation. If what I am reading is correct, male college students living in dorms or other close quarters generally are a little more open about the issue than we were 50 years ago, but this remains an interesting puzzle college roommates need to resolve in such a living situation.

4. The good news is that females generally now recognize that males masturbate a lot even if they are in a relationship, and there is not the disgust and anger over the whole idea that may have existed 50 years ago. Too, it appears that there is a growing appreciation for the idea that male-female mutual masturbation is a viable and less risky option than “real” sex in any instance where the couple does not want to face the issues associated with real sex, (starting with birth control). A lot can be said for forms of sexual interaction that get only to “third” base. Plus, both partners may learn a lot about what exactly makes the other happy in this setting sans coitus.

5. Increasingly, females are starting to see female masturbation as not a bad but a good thing though my number for females would be smaller than for the men, perhaps 25 not 50. But the guilt associated with female masturbation seems to be gradually evaporating, even as female roommates struggle with some of the same “how do I deal with this” issue the guys have to resolve.

6. Generally speaking, the women writing on male masturbation tend to think that guys nearly always masturbate by simply stroking the bare penis with a bare hand, though admitting that technique is less than perfect and that some guys may use a lubricant such as a hand lotion. I think this idea comes from the thought that a masturbating female might logically do it to herself.

7. In reality, masturbating by stroking a bare penis with one’s bare hand is not a common way for a guy to masturbate despite what the female writers seem to think. Most of the time when a guy masturbates he is wearing something. I suppose the lone major exception is the guy who favors masturbating in the shower. The soap and water then acts as a “lubricant” and the “evidence” washes right down the drain. However, most guys probably masturbate wearing an article of clothing. This strategy is popular for several reasons. First, the guy is not naked and therefore not able to in any way hide that he is wanking should someone such as a roommate show up unexpectedly. Second, the clothing item captures the ejaculated semen so that cleanup simply involves putting the garment into the laundry bag to be washed, and, perhaps most importantly. The cloth can provide the lubricant or smooth feeling sensation missing from bare hand on bare penis. Wearing a smooth-textured slick-feeling garment (Swimsuit anyone?) as bedtime wear makes a whole lot of sense for the guy who likes to masturbate at night, roommate or not. Go to any department store and you will see lots of men’s underwear items made of slick smooth fabric that would make great masturbation nightwear and every guy needs to maintain a stock of these.

8. An interesting puzzle is whether or not college roommates can be open enough with their roommates to be able to be frank about what is really happening and then open enough to share and trade ideas and approaches in this area. Fifty years ago, most certainly “no” but nowadays? That is an interesting puzzle.

To be continued…
 

[sebbie]

Part XVIII

Traditionally, men have been conditioned to believe that intercourse with a female was good. After all, that might lead to new life. But conversely, any other form of sex was wrong or unacceptable. Interestingly this view tossed masturbation together in with gay sexual behaviors of any form, and I guess is a reason why young bully guys sometimes accuse another guy unfortunately caught masturbating as being gay. This is not something a “real” male would ever do never mind that nearly every male is masturbating but hasn’t yet gotten “caught”.

I was interested in finding out what the current medical thinking was with regard to the possible usefulness of male masturbation as a method of treating prostate surgery patients after surgery and whether the medical profession saw any role for male “self-abuse” as a post-surgical treatment of sorts.

Think about this. Any sort of activity in which sexual arousal happens to a certain degree is going to put the human body under stress. We may be conditioned to believe that any sort of stress is a bad thing, but thing about a body builder who uses weight conditioning in an effort to build muscle and make a stronger body than would be the case without being stressed by the weightlifting. Or, think of the issues an orbiting astronaut faces in the absence of gravity. So being stressed is not necessarily a bad thing. It all depends on what the specific stress happens to be.

Under stress, the body responds in certain ways, some automatic, some nearly so. Heart rate and blood pressure rises, for example. But, the stress associated with, say running, is very different from the stress that occurs during arousal, though some of the same events happen.

A lack of stress can lead to physical problems down the road. Think of the astronaut working in a weightless environment. Muscles weaken, including the heart, and so long term working under weightless conditions requires an exercise regimen to keep muscles working and not being subject to atrophy.

I know a lot of stuff from simply having been there. Pre-surgery I was told that one side effect of the surgery was that I might not be able to get an erection at all, or if I did it might be weak but could improve over time. But, I was assured that I could still have orgasms. Actually, I learned how this could happen already next to a jet in my hot tub. That is a weird feeling of going from nothing to ejaculation in less than 30 seconds, almost as if the semen was being sucked from my body by some giant external force.

Think about this: a guy comes home from surgery knowing that at least for a time, he will be unable to have an erection. If he has a female partner he will not be able to engage in intercourse. So, the likely response will be “we can forgat about having “real” sex for a year (or two, or three…)

So what does the guy do post-surgery? Well maybe just crawl off in a corner and decide that he is stuck in a life with no more erections. And after all, is it even meaningful to have an orgasm without an erection?

I do not have a wife or other sexual partner, but I do have a long list of things that I like to do and these have made me a sexually a very happy person. I’ve probably told you about a few of these already and maybe even dropped hints that this particular idea could do neat things for youto try on your own. Even I was not going to sit down with my urologist surgeon and explain all of this. After all he had surgeries to do. But suddenly, if I am going toi be able to reacquire my ability to get an erection, a lot of this stuff I have been suggesting becomes very important.

As a few of you perhaps know already I am particularly fond of garments that help me to constantly think about my penis and groin area. A snug fitting swim brief, for example, or a strap covered by a pair of compression shorts. And, I am reading that anything that keeps me aroused, if even only a little bit, is useful treatment post surgery. Are the urologists recommending this as a post-surgical prostate surgery “treatment” of sorts? Well sort of. I suppose if I had a real sexual partner, that person could work overtime to keep me horny by touching and playing with various body parts as a treatment, even as I try to do the same thing for my partner. But this is not penis-vagina sex. It is an interesting form mutual masturbation in the absence of the ability to get a strong enough erection for penetration.

MOST of the post-surgical discussions I encountered on the Internet apply to a couple where the guy can no longer get an erection. Most of the stuff on the Internet says that with luck, erections may return after a year or two of healing but they would be weaker and not as hard. I have some actual data on that. Pre-surgery I was at most 6 ½ to 6 ¾ inches hard 5 years after surgery, the best number I can come up with is 5-5 ¼ inches and not as hard. But I do have orgasms, dry but powerful. And I have not lost my interest in masturbation techniques.

So the Internet is awash with post surgical prostate guy with wives--guys who can no longer get hard enough for “real” coitus. What to do? WELL, this is the point for both partners to learn about the wonders of mutual masturbation as opposed to penis in vagina. The wife is going to learn exactly where he likes to be touched and how. Meanwhile, he is going to learn some of the details of where SHE likes to be played with that he never bothered to learn when they were both regularly engaged in partner sex. And some of the guys even write that because of this event, the relationship, now built around mutual masturbation not coitus, has reached a whole new level.

In gay anal intercourse, the prostate gland plays an important role for the pleasure of the guy being penetrated, and if the guy no longer even has a prostate or the ability to get a firm erection, this could be a potential relationship problem. Most of the discussion on the Internet centers on post-surgical issues heterosexual couples face, and there is only passing reference to the possibility that the surgery may mean major changes for gay couples as well.

Any number of articles where masturbation is mentioned as a post-surgical treatment after prostate removal are out there, including several written by faculty at major medical centers. The doctors are all endorsing masturbation as the best first method for regaining one’s sexual health after surgery, but in some cases are also suggesting that frequent masturbation is an essential part of rebuilding a guy’s capability to have a decent erection after surgery, and that this is something that could and should take place.

To be continued…

[swim suit eddie]

I liked Sebbie's story, but for me, I like wearing tight swim briefs when swimming. I think sometime there is a time and place for nude swimming, especially on a swim team or swimming at a YMCA pool. Wearing a singlet for me are sexy underwear and it's nice wearing one other than wrestling. A jock strap is a necessary item for healthy men when in very active sports. I'm not that active and find a jockstrap under sports wear feels somewhat uncomfortable. You don't have to be gay to feel this way, but a lot of straight guys do like wearing Speedos when swimming or a snug singlet as underwear than just for wrestling.

[Fairfax]

I had to smile when I read your statement "A jock strap is a necessary item for healthy men when in very active sports." in your last post swim suit eddie.
You don't seem to realise that the jockstrap as an item of mens athletic wear has never been adopted outside North America. In Australia where I live male athletes and footballers just wear everyday underwear. Up until a few years ago that was briefs now those things they call trunks.
I first discovered jock straps from the film "revenge of the nerds" when the nerds mixed hot sauce on the footballers jock straps. I was about 14 when I first saw that film and I already liked wearing small and snug briefs. In the film you don't see anyone wearing one so I wasn't sure even how it was worn but It was small and strappy and I wanted to know more.
Unfortunately this was before the internet and Australian sports stores did not sell them at all. They were simply unobtainable and all my interest was directed towards swim briefs which were very dominant swimwear in the late eighties. To this day department stores in Australia have never sold them or men worn them so they can't be that necessary.