What to wear?

[sebbie]

I suppose there are two kinds of guys out there, those who do and those who don’t. Do or don’t what, anyway? What I am thinking about is whether or not a guy gets aroused when he gets into a swim brief, or, perhaps, even more interestingly, gets aroused when he merely thinks about the possibility of being able to wear a swim brief.

I don’t doubt that there are guys out there who do not get aroused at all—a lot of these are probably guys who grew up swimming and wearing swim briefs when doing so, and never even gave the whole idea any particular thought—that is, it was just the normal thing that guys did who wanted to be good swimmers.

Then there are the guys who are taking up swimming as a team sports for the first time at some level, elementary school or perhaps high school. Here is where you find the guys who may be paranoid about wearing a swim brief and how they might look wearing one—as in my ‘nads are going to be clearly outlined and my state of arousal will be obvious to others and I don’t know if I can deal with that and, further, what if I discover that my erection is getting out of control and what am I going to do about that and on and on. All of these fears provide a rationale for attempting to steer clear of getting oneself into a situation whereby a guy would “have” to wear a swim brief.

Finally, there are the guys who buy swim briefs not because they intend to be a team swimmer but merely because they think it’s fun to mess with their bodies by wearing one and are actually interested in researching the question of whether or not wearing a swim brief makes you feel horny and how you deal with that moment by moment. I have dubbed this “recreational” swim brief wear.

Selecting a swim brief for recreational wear like this is a little different from selecting a swim brief for the specific purpose of being a team swimmer. For starters, in the latter case the parameters of the brief, style, color and sizing are probably fairly narrowly laid out by the team rules. In reading documents designed for members of various swim teams around the country, I sometimes see at least indirect references to the paranoia problem for new members that I outlined above. Indeed, the whole idea of wearing jammers in competition instead probably came about in part because so many males were struggling with all of the aspects of others seeing their bodies clad in a swim brief, and this prospect was scaring away guys that might be good athletes who had this fear.

But for the recreational swim brief wearer, none of this matters in large measure because the guy who does this does not normally see himself parading around in public wearing a swim brief. Indeed, some very different rules apply.

The whole idea behind recreational swim brief wear is not to attempt to locate a brief that avoids making you feel horny, but instead finding just the right brief that you know for certain will make you feel horny. For a guy who wants to play with his body in this respect, this involves a very different search effort from the effort by a guy seeking a brief to be worn as part of a swim team.

Not that many years ago, it was possible to successfully shop for a recreational swim brief at a “bricks-and-mortar” retail store. Nowadays, however the business has largely gone on line, but you can also shop for garments around the world. If your dream is to be in a brief similar to what the trendy Asian guys wear at their local beaches, a brief of that design and cut is only a mouse click away!

One of the keys to selecting the right brief is to let your body do the talking, so to speak. Swim briefs are made in a wide variety of styles, cuts, colors, patterns, materials and sizes, and finding just the right one to make you happiest can be a significant task. But a guy’s body is nicely wired for engaging in the search and communicating back to you when you have found the correct item.

This is really all about understanding better the signals a guy’s body sends him in the very initial stages of arousal, as in what happens as you contemplate actually being in a brief you have found on-line. Every guy past puberty is fully aware of the slight “tingle” he feels in his penis when he encounters something that his mind, perhaps subconsciously, spots something sexually arousing. This sensation is an integral part of who guys are as sexual human beings and comes into play in a wide variety of ways…it’s the core of the experiences of guys in a lot of coming of age movies, for example. Either something psychosexually “gets” to a guy or not.

The connection between mind and body keeps getting more and more interesting. A lot of guys, perhaps nearly all, are wired such that this initial tingling sensation is almost immediately accompanied by a few glistening precum drops, and guys quickly feel the slight dampness at the very tip of the penis.

In the case of the search for a recreational swim brief, this is a clear signal that you have found something that is of interest to you. But, in buying a recreational swim brief, comparison shopping at home in privacy is also part of the game and the usual kinds of shopping issues enter in, as in how much will this cost me to enjoy this brief.

Dylan and Josh did something very interesting. They both were obviously interested in recreational swim brief wear, and they made choices in terms of cut, style and sizing with the expectation that these would be worn not by themselves but each other. This added an element of uncertainty or the unknown into the mix. From a sheer horniness perspective, not knowing exactly what you are getting into and whether or not you will fit can be a good not a bad thing. Having another male about your ge engaging in doing the same thing at the same time clearly adds another dimension to the search effort.

I conclude be saying that there is absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed or scared about by enjoying yourself and your body in this way. Treat this as an educational experience that will help you better understand how what guys sometimes think are mysterious parts about being a guy really work. And have an enjoyable time seeing exactly how each experiment works in your particular situation.

To be continued….

[sebbie]

The story with respect to athletic supporters (aka “jock straps) in many respects follows a similar line with respect to availability. For young guys too, the idea of wearing a jock strap has many similar fear elements that parallel the thoughts that go through your mind when contemplating wearing a swim brief for the very first time. It’s a very similar set of fears accompanied with thoughts of “I wonder how that would fit and feel around my private parts”.

Like a swim brief, there is also something about the whole idea of wearing a strap that sends many guys off into another place entirely. Not that a swim brief is the same as a strap—they are very different. Part of the appeal of a swim brief is the material used, usually very slick and smooth, whereas a good strap is very course and rough textured, in the latter case, the traditional strap is made with a heavy duty elastic waistband, often 2-inches wide or even wider, and then a pouch constructed of some kind of coarse-textured rubbery material that a guy just knows is going to fit, well, really snug in some sensitive and interesting places.

Once again, what hits a guy is this combination of fear coupled with anticipation with respect to how this is all going to feel and fit once you are in one. Crazy thoughts often enter a guy’s mind in this situation, like how all of this will accommodate me should I start to get even a little erect just thinking about all of this and where my penis and balls are.

Then there is the other strap “problem” in that for a traditional strap at least, one’s butt is always completely bare. So one does not appear in public wearing only a strap unless one thinks it’s somehow OK to be butt-naked. I’ve never fully understood why traditional straps were always designed to leave a guy’s rear end completely bare, but that they are.

Times have changed. Not THAT many years ago, guys were expected to wear straps under clothing for practically any kind of sport, say as garb under a pair of lightweight nylon shorts for participation in track and field events, and the only proper attire, according to coaches at least, was the traditional strap as I have described here. This has changed a lot in recent years, and it is common now for snug-fitting long-legged compression shorts worn under track shorts with the legs of the compression shorts extending below the bottoms of the looser-fitting shorts worn over. A guy COULD still wear a traditional strap UNDER the compression shorts, but few any more do that.

But then there are the cups,…ahhh the hard cups. A traditional strap without a cup securely holds a guy’s genitalia in place for non-contact events that involve jumping, running or whatever, but what about a situation whereby there is a possibility that a guy will get hit in the groin area? An elastic pouch is not going to save the poor guy who gets hit in the groin by an errant ball, nor the football player who gets hit in the groin by another player intentionally or unintentionally. It was only natural to use the supporter pouch to hold a hard cup made of a sturdy plastic, that could shield the guys most critical body parts against injury.

Hard cups of various shapes and sizes have been a normal part of the garb for contact supports over the decades. What has changed over time has been the design of these cups. In the 1950s and 1960s the only widely available hard cup design was quite flat, and did not fit around a guy’s balls. Bluntly put, they were designed to cushion a direct hit coming in horizontally on a guy’s penis such as what might happen from an errant baseball but not a hit coming at an angle from below.

Traditionally these cups were made with only enough space to contain an average guy’s flaccid penis. Apparently, the cup designers felt that the average guy was not very big, either. They typically left no room for expansion let alone for any room to flop around. A few small holes provided some “ventilation”, but that was it.

Once in one of these cups, a guy knew he was in it. I put a strap with one of these traditional cups on this morning so that I could describe for you exactly what sensations I am experiencing. There is both a psychological component and a physical presence of the cup that I can directly feel. My penis “knows” it is in close quarters and has been communicating that to my brain, but this is not unpleasant, in fact I am rather enjoying the situation I am experiencing.

But, I am also sensing the physical presence of the cup as well, as a subtle but direct presences on my penis. Somehow, my penis seems to “know” that the cup is there and realizes that it cannot expand beyond where it is at. This is a loopy, but also psychologically and physically a most interesting sensation. My brain thinks it’s kind of cool or neat feeling. I can tug or “adjust” or momentarily pull away the cup in an effort to find a position for the cup that might do less of this to me, but the cup keeps going back in the same position and I quickly discover that stuff has gotten still snugger.

The odd thing is that given the size of the cup, it is really difficult to move forward to more of an erection and ejaculation without first removing the strap and cup entirely. Better to just kick back and enjoy all the quirky sensations as they come and go like waves. Interesting! Enjoyable! Not to be missed.

This is what I have sometimes labeled as the pinnacle of recreational jock strap wear.

To be continued….

[MISpeedo]

as dm106 stated: "So when do Josh and Dylan begin interaction now that you've been philosophizing for several months? Hate to be critical, Sebbie, but it's very redundant. We want to hear more of the story!"

You have done your homework and put in a lot of time and work; but I think you have covered the history to it's fullest.

Thanks for your time and efforts, now on with the story?

[sebbie]

Have you ever been in a movie audience where you are about 40 minutes into the plot of the movie and you think you know pretty well based on what you have seen already how the movie will end? Suddenly, there is a completely unexpected plot twist. A couple of the characters that you thought were critical to the story line have died or been killed off, and a couple other characters that seemed to be important in the first 40 minutes of the story seem to have receded into the background. A new character, maybe two, who seemed to have minor roles in the first 40 minutes suddenly are important parts of the story line. And worse, all your smug predictions as to how the movie will end seen to be, well, not so smart.

Screenwriters love to do this to moviegoers. Other kinds of writers too. No one forces a moviegoer to remain planted in his seat no matter what happens. One response would be to just sit tight, enjoy the fun plot twist, and revel in the notion that the plot did not go in the direction you expected. I suppose you could storm out of the theater angry that the plot did not go the way you thought it should. But what is the real point in doing that?

So too, with my readers here. I guess some of you, for whatever reason, had pretty well decided how the story line should go and what the fate should be for each of the characters. More than a few of you had concluded that each pair of characters, Bill, Joe, and also Josh and Dylan were gay boys who were secretly trying to maintain their identities as straight, for whatever reason, and it would be only a matter of time before I would write a chapter detailing the nuances of their respective encounters with each other involving a so called “interchange of bodily fluids”.

Maybe some of you were thinking that these guys were really straight boys having interesting sex-focused flings involving obvious acts of masturbation in the presence of another guy, something they each had longed to do even when still in high school but never dared to do for an assortment of reasons. Experiences that were interesting and fun but recede into the background once each of them met the right girl and got to engage in real (penis-vagina) sex.

As a story-writer, none of this has happened, and I realize that I have fulfilled none of your expectations in this regard. Like the moviegoer who experiences a major unexpected plot twist 40-minutes in, you have every right to simply storm out of the theater in anger because things ended up not going the way you expected. Indeed no chapter has contained any description of the guys even barely touching each other let alone exchanging bodily fluids.

OK, I realize I’m “messing” with my readers simply by not writing what they expect me to write. I keep taking them through stuff over and over and some of you are saying that I told you all of this before. Well yes, and to the extent I repeat myself it is because the points I am making in my mind at least are really important to understand.

What are my points, anyway? Well, I think you already know this, but a core point is the idea that the only way a guy can have a truly enjoyable life sexually is to get to engage in sex with a partner. Further, anything a guy might do alone, or even with another person present and watching but not actively engaged, is somehow first of all not sex, but, even if it were labeled as a strange form of sex, whatever happens is clearly not as enjoyable or acceptable as it would certainly be if a partner were actively involved and bodily fluids exchanged. This surely cannot be, or can it?

To this I say, bah! Humbug!

I also realize that a bunch of the stuff I have written down on the subject is not the kind of stuff that would be easily found in a bookstore or on the Internet. I know of only a very limited number of places where writers have even hinted that solo sex like I describe here could be at least equally enjoyable to partner sex on a pure “this blows me away completely” scale and without even having to confront all the other complicated issues related to having “real” sex with a partner.

If what I am suggesting guys try is not something that interests you or your cup of tea, so be it. I’m fine with that. Don’t bother to read any further. Storm out of the theater, instead!

I’ve thought some about suddenly moving the story lines forward about two and a half years. Josh and Dylan have now graduated from college and are starting their respective careers. Josh quickly found a girl that he got engaged to and is happily having sex with her it seems every other night at least. The events that occurred in the dorm room with Dylan present have receded into the background. Apparently, Josh at the core was straight.

But Dylan is still basically the shy loner he always was. He has tried dating girls, but they seem self-absorbed and not at all interested in what Dylan is all about, the stuff that makes Dylan who he really is as a human being. Dylan still loves to engage in solo sex, and now, living alone in an apartment, he has complete freedom to do so basically whenever the mood hits him. His collection of clothing and other items employed during solo sex keeps getting bigger and bigger. But he doesn’t have to share this with anyone. At this point, it is his little secret. I understand very well why Dylan is the way he is, and how he got to where he is psychologically and sexually.

Dylan has sometimes wondered if deep down he could be a gay boy and simply has not met the guy who would potentially make a good partner for him. He realizes that his interest in masturbation and the various techniques he employs might be a lot more easily shared with another gay guy than with a girl, but he also realizes that a lot of gay guys seem to be laser-focused on activities that involve an interchange of bodily fluids. Oddly enough, this activity is not where Dylan’s mind or body is focused either. Dylan truly enjoys being Dylan in all aspects of his life. He is neither unhappy nor depressed, not at all.

So is Josh’s life right now happier sexually than Dylan’s life? Some of you may think you already know the answer to this question. If this story doesn’t seem to lead to the answer you expect are you going to quit reading? If so, I am perfectly content to keep messing with the minds and bodies of those who choose as readers to continue stick with me! Those who exit the theater now and disgust probably shouldn’t have bought tickets in the first place. After all, where else can you go where you can get such details about all sorts of things you can try and experience?

To be continued…

[sebbie]

I realize some of my readers must be incredibly disappointed. Isn’t this supposed to be an erotic story of some sort? Shouldn’t this be all about two people meeting, falling in love and having sex with each other that should involve exchanging bodily fluids? This hasn’t happened, and now my readers are fearful that we might never get to that part, or, if we do, the story is not going to play out in any sort of familiar expected way.

Writing is extraordinarily fun—for the writer. For the serious reader, maybe not so much. As storylines progress, readers keep trying to figure out what they think will happen next, and then all of a sudden the storyline takes a completely unexpected term.

So, think back, where are we here? Two male college roommates, both think of themselves as straight as an arrow on a sexuality scale. Yet, something weird has happened. Not only do they both enjoy each other’s company, they have both gotten to a point whereby they are comfortable revealing to each other at least a little of what goes on in their deepest, darkest minds. And, strangely enough, the two of them are not living on different planets in this regard. They are both on the same planet other male college students their age are living. They are both living in a place in which some of the guys brag that they have girlfriends and get to exchange bodily fluids certainly on weekends and maybe a couple or even three times a week! Certainly this is the place where normal 19- and 20-year old guys live, and certainly any guy not living in that place must be socially challenged or have issues related to his own sexuality. Maybe, Maybe.

If I were to look back on each of these stories, the particular segment that sticks out in my mind is the one in which Dylan and Josh decided it would be fun to order a bunch of different swim briefs in varying colors, cuts and sizes, not for the purpose of going swimming (at least not in all of them), but rather to see what would happen to each of them if they sorted the suits by size, largest to snuggest, and then simply tried each brief on starting with the biggest, loosest-fitting one first, and then gradually working through each pile with each brief getting smaller, snugger and tighter-fitting.

Unless the guys are completely brain dead, just contemplating trying this should result in at least a partial hard-on. Dylan and Josh are completely normal guys in this regard. This is all related to the male fear of being seen with a bit of an erection while wearing a swim brief in public. But the really psychosexually interesting part here is pushing yourself to the limit as in seeing how much of this silliness a guy like Dylan can tolerate before he goes over the top and has no real choice any longer about whether or not he can further delay ejaculation.

Then to make matters even more interesting, there is another guy Josh, who is trying to do the exact same thing. There is no touching or anything else physical going on between the two of them. But still, the mere knowledge that there is another guy in the room having the same experience adds a unique element that makes the whole situation even more interesting for both of them.

So, one way of looking at all of this is that it is just a really elaborate way to engage in solo sex, and whatever happens therefore has got to be psychosexually less enjoyable than the real thing with a partner. This goes back to the old school of thought that basically says masturbation is something that children and socially maladjusted adults may occasionally engage in, but these people are, at minimum very unfortunate souls who are missing out on what really make the world spin on its axis—that is, partner sex.

Or, maybe masturbation can end up being TOO enjoyable. That is, techniques like what Dylan and josh are doing are so much fun that a guy’s desire to find a real partner who wants to have real sex will somehow be damaged. What if I come up with a technique like this one that is just too much fun to ever abandon? If I get into a relationship with another person, aren’t really fun solo sex experiences going to have to somehow recede into the background as I keep discovering ever more enjoyable things to do with my partner? In short, how do deeply satisfying solo sex experiences even fit into a relationship, or is all of this stuff just psychosexual baggage that needs to simply be abandoned and somehow forgotten or the entire relationship is in trouble?

But then, maybe all of this messing around with the swim briefs of various sizes has an odd payoff in a partner-focused sexual relationship. Certainly, hundreds, thousands or even tens of thousands of books and book chapters have been written under the generic title “Dealing with premature ejaculation” in which the guy goes off too quickly and the partner—usually a female partner—complains that it was all over before she got anywhere herself. Maybe all Dylan and Josh are doing is practicing and developing specific skills in this regard. As Yoda might have said, “Complicated stuff, this all is”.

At puberty, guys quickly learn that having an orgasm with ejaculation—any orgasm, is a life experience not to be missed. But almost as quickly they also learn that this should be done in private, alone, and as quickly as possible so as to not get caught doing it. Guys quickly develop real skills for getting hard and over quickly. Then they spend much of the rest of their lives unlearning what they had figured out how to quickly an efficiently do---instead letting sexual feelings bubble and simmer without boiling over for an ever longer period of time, even as the sexual partner attempts to do the same thing. The funny thing is that when the pot does boil over, and it eventually will, this becomes the path to a mind blowing orgasmic experience, whether with a partner or alone. And, either way there is certainly nothing at all wrong with that.

I suspect some of my readers think this chapter did not go they had figured either. All of this is too complicated and yet far too interesting to take lightly.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

It is always a great deal of fun to experiment with straps and cups. No two brands of cups are alike, and each one of them is shaped a little differently. Finding a cup that feels particularly good requires a bit of experimenting, and perhaps a fortunate find. Further, the one that works right for you might not be perfect for me. As the cup designers are well aware, no to guys have the exact same genital equipment—in fact there is a wide variation in this respect.

There has been substantial redesign of jock strap cups that has taken place largely from in the 1990s. The redesigns were a likely mostly a consequence of the fact that the old-school flat and hard cups tended to do make guys who wore them quickly get aroused and at least somewhat erect, which was probably not desirable from the perspective of success in many team sports if the guy was focusing on the sensations coming from his cup-clad groin area rather than the sport he was playing. Second, something needed to be done about the fact that the old-school cups did not protect the balls at all from hits coming in from below or underneath.

Thus, the Banana Cup® was invented. The term Banana Cup is a trademarked name by the company that first started selling these. Generally, they were shaped like a very large and wide banana, long and fairly narrow, and meant to cover the balls and the penis when in proper position. They appealed to guys who believed themselves to be quite large even flaccid. The top part of the banana was deep enough so that there was room for a guy. Many of the cups are big enough so that unlike the traditional straps and cups, it was pretty obvious that you were wearing one if you were.

If you haven’t noticed, traditional straps with cups or not of any design are not readily found any more in a lot of bricks-and-mortar stores. Discount retailers used to have sections devoted in part to these, but they are all but gone. And the ones you do still find are usually straps with oversized banana cups.

You can find these cups in smaller sizes, but they are made for the youth market. And you can fit a youth size cup in an adult strap. This can be an interesting experience as some of the smaller youth cups are quite narrow as well as small.

Still, for recreational jock strap wear, I still much prefer the old style strap fit with the traditional-fit hard cup that really holds my penis in a cinched-in position. This provides some great feelings and sensations as my mind keeps getting drawn back to where my penis is. Maybe you too!

So, what if you want to find a cup for “recreational” wear as I describe? Would this be a cup of a different size or shape than one you might pick for actually play a sport where you actually need to protect your genitalia? That is an interesting question.

Guys wearing cups, even the roomier ones, are generally aware that there is something around the penis. The sensations a guy feels might be part psychological as well as the physical sensation of the cup bearing down and around the sexually-sensitive penis. Some guys probable experience some discomfort, at least when first getting inside, but this is quickly followed by something that seems to be much more pleasant. This curious mixture of discomfort and pleasure is not readily obtained by any other method.

As Dylan and Josh surely have found out, there are ways of ramping up the experience a bit to make the sensations still more enjoyable. The right pair of men’s thong underwear when worn under the strap and cup can take everything to another level. For me, at least, the ideal thong is one that has but a narrow band or cord that cuts deep between the glutes as I move around. To get the thong in the proper position with everything inside, a guys penis and balls will both be pushed upward and forward, with lots of perineum pressure. Meanwhile the strap and cup are pressing everything downward and back in exactly the opposite direction. The sensation of the two simple items working in the opposite direction is sweet, to say the least. A guy’s penis will be very much aware of the confined space it is in with the cup bearing down. This is, well, a superbly delicious sensation.

Then to top everything off, a pair of compression shorts goes over the top of everything. At this point, I like to do some strenuous exercise, either on my stationary rower or my stationary bike. My exercise time seems to fly by. All my sexual “hot spots” get hit at the same time, multiplying the overall effect. The crack between my glutes is suddenly quite sexually sensitive and this really becomes apparent when my perineum is getting bombarded by the thong and the walls of my penis are constrained by the hard cup held in place by the compression gear. I love trying to move the up around just a bit while all of this stuff is going on, even though it is mostly constrained by the compression shorts.

All of this is highly recommended. From the perspective of the story line, these are stunts that Bill and Joe discovered many chapters ago, as well as techniques that Josh and Dylan have been learning.


To be continued…

[sebbie]

Over fifty years ago, I enrolled as a college freshman. Living in a 3-story dorm that was entirely made up with rooms, two men (that was new, we were suddenly not boys any more) to a room. Me, I was just a wee lad of only 17, not even 18 yet.

Some of the guys may have females on their minds. Me? I had another, much more important and immediate issue. On each floor of the dorm there was one very large military-style bathroom located way down the hall, with completely open showers with shower heads all in a row. There was a row of toilet stalls which, fortunately had doors, and a long row of sinks with mirrors, but that was it.

Does this sound like the dorm Josh and Dylan have been living in? Well, not surprising!

The guys wandered down the long hallway to the showers both morning and night, usually clad only in a bathrobe. That was the easiest way to deal with the situation of having to be out in the open and wanting to shower. Of course, the University had a military (ROTC was offered) “flavor” and men’s dorms that by design were somewhat like military barracks seemed only logical. After all, guys who went into the military would face a similar situation, and this was the late 60s when the draft and the Vietnam War was on. For the moment, anyway we were “safe” because generally the college kids had educational deferments at least until they finished undergraduate degrees. The question was what would be going on once we had graduated from college.

Me? by 17 I had already developed a series of masturbation techniques that I enjoyed a lot. Not quite as elaborate as the ones Josh and Dylan have been pursuing of course, but they were great fun for me nonetheless. Dylan and Josh have gotten to try a bunch of different things that I hadn’t thought of when I was a beginning college student and what they did in this respect has gone way beyond what I was actually able to do at that age.

The basic problem I faced was very simple. With no privacy, how was I going to adapt what I was doing with and to myself to the circumstances I was now in? In retrospect, I was pretty naïve at that age. But social morays were quite different back then as well. In those years, in this setting, there were no males who were openly gay, and certainly no males living under semi-military style conditions in the little double dorm rooms. At least, that was the assumption. Generally any male living in one of these double dorm rooms was assumed to be perfectly straight.

I guess we all were aware that some guys didn’t quite fit with that idea, but, interestingly enough, I never was aware of any teasing or bullying similar to what could have easily gone on in junior high or in high school. Still, there was this problem that if you were inadvertently discovered to be masturbating, and that meant at minimum that you were not getting any (with a girl). This led to the assumption that the frequent masturbators could be or even likely were gay guys. Therefore the “penalty” for being discovered masturbating was not something most guys would want to endure. This was long before the vast majority of guys were comfortable being openly gay.

These are my observations about undergraduate college life from over 50 years ago when society was very different from now. I keep thinking about how society has gradually changed with respect to being more and more comfortable with the entire idea that there are some people who are openly gay and that this is not something that any more needs to be kept secret. There are interesting implications for all of this in many ways.

For starters, a lot of these old dormitories still exist where the rooms are small doubles with the restroom facilities down the hall. Further, even back then, if two guys wanted to pick roommates, housing offices generally allowed and even encouraged that. So even back then there were no restrictions on two male guys rooming together in a dorm room for the entire duration of college. And what they did with and to each other during that period of time behind closed doors was completely private.

The issues are interesting. The housing office, then and now would never rent a dorm room to a guy and a girl who wanted to hook up for four years of college. But for two gay guys, this was perfectly fine.

Me, I was 17 and not anywhere near wanting to form a sexual relationship with anyone, male or female. Much like Dylan, I had too much else going on academically. I was a bookworm, pretty much and excelled at doing that.

Still, I was already deep into masturbation as an interesting and hugely enjoyable activity, and even then I kept thinking up new and endlessly fascinating ways to enjoy my own body. I kept thinking up stuff in that department that I had not yet gotten to try. But even admitting to being interested in masturbating was a very taboo topic for guys to even discuss, let alone demonstrate, even inadvertently or by “accident”.

For most guys, the entire topic of engaging in solo sex remains quite taboo and something that should be kept very secret. It’s still a topic that most guys refuse to discuss openly with other guys unless the guys are gay males. But even here there is still stuff that stumps me. A lot of gay guys seem to equate being in a gay relationship with having sex that involves an exchange of bodily fluids which is usually thought to be oral or anal sex, and if two guys do not do that, then they are not in a “real” gay relationship.

I also keep thinking about what seems to me to be at first a very simple question. That question is “what is sex?” Is sex defined as simply male and female penis in vagina? What about oral sex? Is that “real” sex? Or anal sex? Must “real” sex involve an interchange of bodily fluids?

Then is solo masturbation is not sex does this somehow change if another person is present? If a guy is masturbating and another person is present that is not masturbating is that mutual masturbation? Or does the other person have to also be masturbating as well? And is mutual masturbation, however defined, then actually a type of sex? What about a married couple who enjoys mutual masturbation? In so doing are they having sex? If they are not having sex what exactly are they doing in the presence of each other?

I’ve met male-female couples, often even married, who claim to be in love with each other but never actually have penis-vagina sex and they both seem to be fine with that. I suspect that the same also must happens with some, perhaps many gay male couples, but then we get bogged down in trying to define what is a gay relationship versus just a male roommate in a completely “innocuous” situation much like the male roommates in the dorm rooms.

Suppose I simply have a male roommate, and inadvertently he wanders in and discovers me having a lot of fun playing with my own body? Has the situation suddenly changed making him more than just a roommate? What if anything changes if when he watches me having so much fun that he gets horny just thinking about what I am doing, and, as a consequence, he can’t keep himself from starting to masturbate himself while watching me? Has the situation for both of us suddenly changed from just roommates to something that is on the cusp of becoming a true gay relationship? And am I suddenly finding more enjoyment because my roommate has suddenly decided it was OK to join in? Are the two suddenly on the cusp of a “real” relationship? This, to a degree, is exactly the problem Dylan and Josh are confronting.

To be continued…