Much of the complicated process of understanding human sexuality involves learning that every individual is unique and special in ways that are as unique as an individual fingerprint. No two people are the same in this regard, and I am often amazed at the whole idea that somehow people can pair up in sexually compatible relationships that somehow hang together from both a physical and an emotional perspective. For married couples, much of this becomes a discovery process that often gradually but continually takes place after, not before the marriage.
Many adult women grow up learning that somehow that they should be the sole source of sexual arousal and pleasure for men, and end up being surprised and unhappy that guys frequently do not sexually behave the way the woman was led to believe. For example, I have talked to women who are absolutely in bits and pieces when they accidentally discover their husband masturbating alone in the bathroom. I keep telling these women that things could be a whole lot worse, and that this is indeed very common and that the situation needs to be approached with understanding not anger. Indeed, the proper response by a woman when accidentally encountering her man masturbating should be “May I help you?”
Men learn the details of what they particularly enjoy at a very early age, and much of what they learn does not fit the stereotypes in the movies at all. Furthermore, a lot of particularly beloved the solo-sex activity sticks like glue throughout adulthood. It is not as if what a guy found to be fun sexually as a teenager will no longer be fun in adulthood. The tricky part is integrating all of this into an adult relationship that is interesting and enjoyable for both parties.
Gay guys in relationships tend to have one advantage over straight couples in that their teenage solo-sex experiences are frequently not that dissimilar. Any guy knows that solo sex can be quite enjoyable, but straight guys generally have a lot more difficulty sharing what it is they like about solo sex with a female partner than do male partners. Of course, the vast majority of straight guys would greatly fear discussing such topics at all with their straight male friends, for fear that they might be labeled as at least gay-interested if they did so.
So, what does all this have to do with swim briefs, or in particular, guys who manage to get turned on by wearing skimpy swim briefs (and further, why am I writing about this here)? I once received a letter from a guy who was in a relationship with a female partner, but he also got turned on by wearing skimpy swim briefs. He was wondering what he should do about this. He was somehow wonder if there was “a cure” that would help him break his “habit” of enjoying himself this way, and further, what would his female partner say if she found out that she was not necessarily always the center of his attention, sexually?
These are not easy questions to answer for sure. Revealing this to a female partner could end up going in any number of different directions. Some women may find the whole situation most uncomfortable and want to get out of the relationship ASAP, as this was going into territory her mother never told her about. Other women may be more open-minded about the whole situation and in particular a woman might be open minded if she herself enjoys seeing her guy wearing a swim brief. Some women are ok with their guy wearing a swim brief in private but not in public. These women may have a particular issue with other women seeing and ogling the outline of her guy’s male parts in a swim brief at a pool or beach. This goes back to the female idea that the guy is hers and hers alone. Strangely, a lot of men have quite the opposite reaction when other guys stare at her in a skimpy bikini, as in look how lucky I am.
All for now.
Sebbie
|