[sebbie]

The Four Speedo Briefs Review

I have four Speedo briefs identical except for size. These four are all the diagonal color block design as shown in the photo in a previous post here. The sizes are 34”, 32”, 30”, and 28”. All four of the briefs are made entirely from a polyester recycled from waste bottles. The designs are the same for all sizes each fully lined with a black inside lining.

The colors in the fabric are very bright and beautiful. The designs do not strike me as being a gay pride design. The color blocks do not look like any sort of gay flag or rainbow—they are just a series if bright primary (red, blue, yellow) and secondary (green, purple, orange) colors in no particular order. In short the only way this can be a brief that identifies a gay person is to somehow connect these colors appearing in a fabric as being a gay “signal” of some sort. But these colors individually or in combination are found in all sorts of men’s swimwear over the generations.

This continues to have me a bit perplexed. Speedo is the one that tried to make this as being a brief a swimmer who is openly gay should wear. The hang tag says “No matter what lane you swim in”, as does the equally colorful packaging with the same phrase. What did Speedo intend, anyway? Did they mistakenly believe lots of closeted gay male swimmers actually wanted briefs that announced to the world that they were somehow both a competitive swimmer and gay, and these would go over big because the colors and pattern sorta were consistent with that? What about the gay male swimmer who did not want to make such a public announcement? Did they intend to also sell this brief to guys who do not claim to be gay but still support the gay movement? In short, if a guy shows up wearing this brief at the pool what are the other swimmers to conclude about the guy? What does the swimmer wearing the brief WANT the other swimmers as well as those in the crowd to conclude, anyway? Speedo seems to not seem to know.

Personally, I do not swim in any lane, although I do enjoy wearing a colorful swim brief. But there are issues here as well. For starters, the ecofriendly recycled poly has little stretch to it, though it may hold up well over time in chlorinated pools. Even worse, the brief is fully lined front and rear with an black fabric that doesn’t seem to stretch at all. Then the tie cord comes already tied and seems tied too short, making the brief seem even smaller and less stretchy.

It seems to me that one key to a successful Speedo is for the design and fabric to not only stretch a lot but to move freely with the body. The recycled fabric Speedos with full linings seem to do none of that. Further, a Speedo that does not stretch is a poor choice for a guy who simply wants to have fun wearing one. This is not a suit that would sell into the self-pleasuring market at all, while many other brands—those made of a stretchier fabric with only a front panel lining of the same fabric--do.

I have swim briefs in all sorts of sizes, ranging from 26 inches to 34 inches and I am pleased to say I can fit into all of them, except, so far at least, this Speedo in the 28-inch size. But I routinely wear swim briefs that are far skimpier and with less though stretchier material than this 28-inch Speedo.

Given four different sizes of this Speedo, I measured the side width in each. Here are the results.

34” = 3 inch sides (approx 7.5 cm)
32” = 2 ¾ inch sides
30” = 2 ½ inch sides
28” = 2 ¼ inch sides

The 34” size fits me the best, but this looks almost like a “granny” swim brief straight out of 1972. In essence, this is the Mark Spitz “flag pattern” swim brief except that the pattern is a series of diagonal color blocks. The 3-inch sides on the 34 in combination with the other features look rather “dated” as in a Speedo from 50 years ago with purportedly undated “message” and general discomfort just pulling the brief on, not to mention what amounted to a “granny” swim brief design that left me wondering. Usually, if a swim brief does not cut it at a pool, it is at least good for jerking off in privately, but these briefs accomplish neither. Still, on a positive note, the briefs sans the messaging attempt are bright and colorful but uncomfortable worn as a swim brief.