Part XVII
Every once and awhile I like to do some searching and reading on the Internet on topics that interest me, but especially on topics where I am thinking that my own thoughts and ideas perhaps have become out of date. There is no more interesting topic than masturbation. Some of my readers may not know that I had my prostate surgically removed 5 years ago, and I was also interested in seeing how the subject of male masturbation was currently being addressed with respect to its use in prostate surgery recovery.
But first, let me summarize what I learned from the general discussions of masturbation from web sites such as
http://healthystrokes.com but many others as well, focusing on males.
Interestingly, the writers on the subject usually are female. This in some ways is encouraging, but in other ways there are biases and things females still tend to get flat-out wrong about males. There is better understanding than in the past, but there are still understanding gaps on the part of females talking about the subject. Having said that, let me summarize and draw some conclusions.
1. For males, straight and gay, the number of orgasms a guy has via masturbation will greatly dwarf the number of orgasms he will have via partner sex in which the penis is inside the partner when the orgasm happens. Based on what I have read, I have been attempting to put a ballpark number on this. The number I come up with is 50. I am thinking of this as an average number across a spectrum of males with a wide range of wages, different sexual orientations, both in and out of relationships. In short, if we were to get an average for all these males, the average would be that the male will have 50 masturbation orgasms for each partner sex orgasm in which the organs are together.
2. My concern with the number 50 is that it may be too low not too high. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there with much higher numbers. Plus a few who claim that they never have an orgasm without the participation of their partner. Plus some guys who claim they have had sex with 50 or 100 different females and also lie when they say they never masturbate.
3. In short, frequent masturbation is really part of who we are for the vast majority of guys, but the tricky part is figuring out how to get into a workable routine in the face of being in close quarters, say in a college dorm room or in a military situation. If what I am reading is correct, male college students living in dorms or other close quarters generally are a little more open about the issue than we were 50 years ago, but this remains an interesting puzzle college roommates need to resolve in such a living situation.
4. The good news is that females generally now recognize that males masturbate a lot even if they are in a relationship, and there is not the disgust and anger over the whole idea that may have existed 50 years ago. Too, it appears that there is a growing appreciation for the idea that male-female mutual masturbation is a viable and less risky option than “real” sex in any instance where the couple does not want to face the issues associated with real sex, (starting with birth control). A lot can be said for forms of sexual interaction that get only to “third” base. Plus, both partners may learn a lot about what exactly makes the other happy in this setting sans coitus.
5. Increasingly, females are starting to see female masturbation as not a bad but a good thing though my number for females would be smaller than for the men, perhaps 25 not 50. But the guilt associated with female masturbation seems to be gradually evaporating, even as female roommates struggle with some of the same “how do I deal with this” issue the guys have to resolve.
6. Generally speaking, the women writing on male masturbation tend to think that guys nearly always masturbate by simply stroking the bare penis with a bare hand, though admitting that technique is less than perfect and that some guys may use a lubricant such as a hand lotion. I think this idea comes from the thought that a masturbating female might logically do it to herself.
7. In reality, masturbating by stroking a bare penis with one’s bare hand is not a common way for a guy to masturbate despite what the female writers seem to think. Most of the time when a guy masturbates he is wearing something. I suppose the lone major exception is the guy who favors masturbating in the shower. The soap and water then acts as a “lubricant” and the “evidence” washes right down the drain. However, most guys probably masturbate wearing an article of clothing. This strategy is popular for several reasons. First, the guy is not naked and therefore not able to in any way hide that he is wanking should someone such as a roommate show up unexpectedly. Second, the clothing item captures the ejaculated semen so that cleanup simply involves putting the garment into the laundry bag to be washed, and, perhaps most importantly. The cloth can provide the lubricant or smooth feeling sensation missing from bare hand on bare penis. Wearing a smooth-textured slick-feeling garment (Swimsuit anyone?) as bedtime wear makes a whole lot of sense for the guy who likes to masturbate at night, roommate or not. Go to any department store and you will see lots of men’s underwear items made of slick smooth fabric that would make great masturbation nightwear and every guy needs to maintain a stock of these.
8. An interesting puzzle is whether or not college roommates can be open enough with their roommates to be able to be frank about what is really happening and then open enough to share and trade ideas and approaches in this area. Fifty years ago, most certainly “no” but nowadays? That is an interesting puzzle.
To be continued…