[sebbie]

Part CIII

As a teenager growing up, I probably spent an inordinate time focusing on the sensations I was feeling in my groin area, and in trying to better understand what was happening to me in my body as I grew just a bit older each day. Compared with today’s teenagers, information sources relating to sexuality, and in particular male sexuality were few. There was no cable TV, no Internet, and certainly few places that one could go to find answers to questions I almost invariably thought were far too complicated and embarrassing to ask anyone.

Still, I was growing up on a farm. Cattle and sheep were breeding ind having lambs and calves regularly. So far as the mechanics of relationship sex occurred in livestock by the time I was 13, I had probably seen a lot more stuff than the “town kids” had, given that the town kids were not raising livestock like I was.

But there was something missing—maybe a lot missing. I knew all but nothing about relationship sex as practiced between two human beings. Of course, I had a loving mom and dad, and the mere fact that I was there said a lot. They were inclined to say nothing about the details of what exactly went on between them. But still, exactly what went on between two human beings with respect to partner sex was largely uncharted territory.

The other interesting part of this story is that about this point in time I discovered that I really liked being a loner, at least most of the time. I had a few close male friends, but most of the other guys seemed to be primarily focused on the females in the class, and were taking early steps in forming bonding relationships with members of the female class. I was never very comfortable chatting with females, even as a lot of the guys seemed to thrive on that. This activity still mostly makes me uncomfortable. Over time I have gradually learned how to cope in such situations where chattering with members of the opposite sex is required, but I still have a desire to get out from the situation as quickly and as painlessly as possible. This is just a place where I do not want to be stuck, and I cannot imagine having to deal with it on a daily basis. The Covid shutdowns have not been a problem for me as I just continue to live my life pretty much the same way I always have---I do not need to interact with other people to be comfortable and that has actually proven now to be a great strength not a weakness.

I suppose that given what you have just read, some of you would perhaps conclude that this is the description of someone who is asexual. But if you have read any of my other chapters here you will probably conclude that is definitely not the case. It is just that being in a sexual relationship with another person is not the center of my life, or for that matter any real part of my life. There are, of course, times that I feel quite horny, but In order to get into that condition generally I have not been mulling over the nuances of how it could be to be having partner sex.

Sexual relationships as a rule do not last forever. Guys get divorced, spouses can die or even just lose interest in sex. And when something like this happens, guys often completely fall apart both mentally and physically. It is here when having a backup plan for enjoying your own male body can really be helpful. And any backup plan of necessity is likely going to involve getting the best out of one’s own body in much the same way guys handled their sexual feelings when they were 12 or 13. Almost invariably we are discussing solo sex here also known as the “M” word.

Now I realize that one of the great taboos in male sexuality is that the vast majority of guys of any age would never care to admit that they now masturbate of even did masturbate at one point in their lives, because the entire male society is built around relationship sex most acceptably with a female partner. And guys who do not regularly get to have sex with a female partner are frowned on as being in an unfortunate but hopefully temporary situation. The wild idea that male sexuality just possibly take on other forms of pleasure is a nonstarter in a relationship-centered society.

Despite what I have just told you, all sorts on interesting sensations come out of my groin area, sometime in the context of this goofy mix of the psychological and the physical. I can easily feel horny even without thinking for an instant about being with a sexual partner. I view this not as a “9defect” of some sort, but rather a talent that allows me to navigate waters that would pose difficulties for guys who are fixated on having partner sex for every release. This whole world of guys getting charged for crimes involving attempting to have sex with a partner who does not want to have sex seems like a crazy place to me—a place so far off in another alien planet that I do not even have to think about it.

What I know for sure is that guys can get horny in situations that do not involve a sex partner or even a potential sex partner. And being horny every guy knows is potentially the first stage in masturbating perhaps to ejaculation and without being fully in control. This possibility drives guys bananas because that means that whatever makes a guy feel horny in such a situation must be immediately shut down or the worst could happen—an uncontrollable and obvious ejaculation that somehow happened when everything went out of control, all right in front of a bunch of his male peers.

We have discussed some of the most interesting instances over and over where guys might worry about this. The classic example is the instance of the swim coach requiring that the team members all wear the team swim brief for the upcoming meet—the little league coach expecting all the players to wear a jock and cup when participating in the sport, but there are others. Just shopping for clothes can be the source of some “strange” feelings for many guys. The current underwear departments seem filled with designs that are meant to make a guy feel horny. It used to be that guys went to Victoria’s Secret to buy sexy clothing for their wives or female partners to wear, but this is considered nowadays not to be a politically-correct thing for a guy to ever do. Nowadays, women may more likely shop for underwear for their MALE sexual partner—designs that are sure to make him get feeling horny as a prelude to having sex.

Then there is the whole parade of compression gear—shorts, tees and running tights that not only fit snuggly but emphasize male bulges in critical areas. What is up with THAT, anyway? And the skinny jeans! Ahh the jeans. Is it good for a guy’s jeans to fit so snug that it is obvious that a guy’s groin area is not shaped the same as that of a female, and how is it that the men’s jeans retailers are selling jeans that are designed to fit so snug that they look like a painted-on second “skin” and how do those feel in the groin? Is it possible to go into an uncontrollable ejaculation simply by wearing a pair of snug-fitting jeans? Of course!

Unlike when a guy is 13, once a guy has grown into adulthood, being able to get horny enough to go into a full-scale ejaculation without being with a sexual partner might be seen as a huge advantage, a useful skill to have mastered, and not a problem of any sort.

To be continued…