[sebbie]

Part XXXXVII

If you have been reading this for some time, you no doubt realize that I am an advocate for the idea that every guy, even guys who do not have a sexual partner, has the opportunity to enjoy his own body and sexual feelings. Moreover, oftentimes life can be simpler, yes even more enjoyable without a partner than with a partner for a variety of reasons both sexual and non-sexual.

The complicated part about having a sexual partner is that a guy’s attention and focus almost invariably has to turn from a guy’s own feelings to what the partner is feeling. This is complicated by all the non-sexual aspects of bonding with another person and the complex situation guys can and often do get into in that respect. This all becomes a discussion of how relationship form and how two people connect with each other or not. Certainly happy long-term situations can and do occur, But a lot of situations that are unhappy for both partners can and do happen as well. This is tricky stuff, and stuff a guy dare not take lightly in an attempt to form a psychosexual and non-sexual bond with another person.

Somehow I seem to have ended up as the “wingman” for guys who manage to go through a divorce—several times. I try my best to maintain a connection with both parties in the divorce but this can be really difficult to do, in part because one invariably is confronted with a situation whereby one partner expects me to take sides in the dispute. Almost invariably I come away feeling that if penis-vagina sex is such a marvelous part of being alive then why is it that both partners are so anxious to separate. I know that some partners separate because one of them has started having sex with some third party—the TV shows drum into us that this is by far the leading cause of divorces.

Yet, at the same time, I have had all this practical experience dealing with people undergoing divorce. I have yet to deal with a case where the cause was linked to one of the parties having sex with a third person. Basically, the divorcing parties go in different directions career-wise, ultimately realizing that the two of them share little in common. One party starts to think that the other party is “holding them back” and by then it is all over. At this point the sexual aspects of the relationship start to matter less and less. The relationship is not about sex, but about two people sharing common non-sexual interests, and if the latter doesn’t work then it is only a matter of time before the sexual part comes unglued as well.

So, even though some guys may manage to get all the moving parts of a sexual and non-sexual bonding to work, I am not only not critical of the guys who do not manage to make this work, I applaud them for the choices they make.

And I certainly believe that orgasms are a great deal of fun and should not be restricted only to those guys that have a readily available sexual partner. If you do not have a sexual partner, there is absolutely no reason to miss out on getting horny and enjoying. You can do that in private and at a pace that you enjoy without having to worry about another person. Run experiments using your own body. Try different things. You will learn about yourself and how your body responds to different sensations on your own.

I know masturbation has bad “press” for a lot of guys for a bunch of different reasons. But it shouldn’t be that way. Not at all! One of the key “learning” aspects of all of this is getting your head around the idea that you can be sexually happy even without having a sexual partner. The scary part for some guys is the thought that your happiness does not depend simply on being with another person.

I suggest stuff you can try that you perhaps would be reluctant to try in the presence of a partner, anyway. You might discover that some of these ideas are so interesting that they actually work better for you without than with a partner, anyway. Some guys find that thought scary as well. Or perhaps the realization that your own sexual happiness might not depend on being with another person can in itself be a source of emotional pleasure.

Now go slip into your snug-fitting royal blue Speedo® and discover what life really holds for you! Savor the moment and don’t feel guilty at all about what you are doing with and to yourself.

To be continued…