[sebbie]

Part LXXVIX

Every guy faces the same, or at least nearly the same, “problem.” There are lots of times, perhaps most of the time, when a guy’s mind is thinking about anything but his own sexual being and in particular sensations that seem to be radiating outward from one’s groin. Goodness, if a guy spent his waking (and sleeping) hours focusing constantly on what is transpiring moment by moment in the groin area, a guy would probably not get anything else done. Constantly feeling over-the-top horny is not really compatible with what a guy is, or needs to be.

But there is another side to this coin. Guys also do not function well if they are never able to focus on what is going on down there, either.

Then there are the myriad of relationship and sexual-partner issues. A core problem a lot of guys who are in a relationship with a sexual partner face is keeping that sexual partner happy in a host of different non-sexual ways. This problem frequently overwhelms the partner-sex part of the relationship. A lot of guys who exit relationships with a partner that included regular sex leave by saying that it was simply impossible on a daily basis to deal with the host of non-sexual issues involving the partner and the relationship was therefore no longer “fun” any more.

Frequently for guys, working a way through a relationship in a fashion whereby both partners get from and are happy with everything that is involved, both sexual and non-sexual, becomes overwhelming. The perhaps slightly-scary logical conclusion might be that partner sex in any form might not be all that it is cracked up to be either physically or emotionally, for if it were all that great guys would be extremely reluctant to exit the relationship. At minimum there is a lot of stuff going on here and we can easily observe that guys often leave sexual relationships with a partner.

Some guys might even suspect that many if not most guys not regularly having sex with a steady partner must therefore be having partner sex on a regular basis with many different partners (aka “one-night stands”). While that may be true for a certain percentage of guys who are living alone without a partner for sex, that certainly does not apply to all guys who live single.

And, of course, a percentage of guys chose to remain single their entire lives while another percentage of guys once in relationships again choose to live their lives single and without sexual partners. It is these latter two groups that interest me the most from the perspective of how they cope, not the guys who have sex regularly with a partner either within or not in a structured relationship. Life suddenly gets a lot more complicated once sex with a partner occurs, and lots of guys for a host of reasons choose not to go that route.

So, what does a guy who is not in a sexual relationship with a partner do, anyway? Are we to assume that these guys are all somehow different from the “normal” guys (that is, the ones having partner sex on a regular basis) in that they somehow never feel horny, nor enjoy the sensations that radiate from various parts of the groin area? I have read stories about so-called non-sexual or asexual human beings, both male and female. I have difficulty getting my head around the idea that anyone not regularly having partner sex is completely disinterested in what happens in the sexual organs. Indeed, I think that most of those who claim to be non-sexual or asexual greatly enjoy getting off alone. But admitting that rather throws cold water on the idea that a person is completely non-sexual or asexual.

I have often thought that the first two or three years after puberty are extremely important years in a guy’s development as he learns the finer points of what sensations are possible down there and, even more importantly, how to get his body to respond to new experiences. For guys, this is a difficult time where a guy is not ready emotionally or practically to get into a relationship involving partner sex, yet the guy is often feeling, well, quite horny and on a regular basis. Something has to give, and of course what happens is that the guy starts down a path of learning some of the finer points of solo sex aka jerking off aka masturbation. But exactly what a guy learns is generally a most carefully-guarded secret not shared with anyone, siblings, male and female peers and certainly not parents. There is no single topic that can create a teasing and bullying situation quicker than the entire subject of masturbation and being accidentally caught jerking off by a peer male.

I have discussed at length the issues faced by college roommates who both are trying to navigate living in a situation where privacy occurs rarely. For single guys living alone, this becomes far less of an issue. My university recently demolished many dormitories that were all filled with traditional double rooms, and replaced a lot of that space with new facilities in which every room is a single. Why? The story in the newspaper said that students much prefer smaller single rooms and the larger doubles with roommates were difficult to fill. No doubt, however, the real truth is that a single room provides the student with the opportunity to jerk off regularly without having to worry about what a roommate might think of the practice.

So, let’s say I am a college student who wants to keep a collection of swim briefs, running tights, compression shorts, wrestling singlets, straps, cups, whatever simply because I enjoy wearing these and jerking off in them, having a single room where I can do this in private without having to concern myself as to whether or not my peers find this amusing or strange, I am all set up with my single room.

The same thoughts apply to single guys living alone outside of a relationship at any age. A guy having been dumped out of a sexual relationship with a partner is probably going to quickly begin to think about what exactly mad him happy when he was 13 or 14 with respect to jerking off alone. Except, of course, a guy as an adult has a lot more options and fewer concerns with respect to the specific techniques employed, since he doesn’t have to explain away anything.

In particular, that applies to clothing items that can be worn to make a guy feel horny and jerk off in. A swim brief? Why not? No problem! A jock strap? Great fun! Compression gear? Sure! Running tights? Of course! A wrestling singlet? That is a possibility too. The real question or issue comes down to what exactly do you like to wear that will make you feel good down there and help you enjoy your jerk-off session more.

Unlike the partner-sex stuff, doing this by yourself is not going to lead into a bunch of complicated situations that you may not want to deal with. You can focus entirely on yourself and what makes your own body feel good. But then, of course, you could encounter a (likely male) partner who enjoys doing the same thing or something very similar. Both of you will have to sort that one out on your own. I’m just saying that could happen too.

To be continued…