[sebbie]

Part LXXVIII

I have always been interested in finding ways for guys to be able to just kick back and enjoy being who they are even if they are not in a relationship or want to be with a sexual partner. But I also realize very much that each guy is different with respect to how important it is to be in a sexual relationship, and for a lot of guys their very being of who they are is all about finding someone for partner sex.

All of this is fine, except to say that nearly every guy gets very frustrated at various times with respect to the wide range of issues associated with being able to have partner sex. Some guys simply retreat back into themselves: but other guys seem to see each of the challenges they face as an opportunity to overcome whatever barriers they confront.

I have thought a lot about this. Sexual harassment cases are clearly widespread in part because guys are not reading whatever person they are pursuing as a sexual partner correctly. And this involves huge risks as in people losing their employment for simply saying something unwelcome by the other person. All of this casts a dark cloud on the tactics a lot of men have traditionally employed in an effort to find a sexual partner. How does a male even ask someone else for a date without fearing that the mere mention of that idea will be misinterpreted? Indeed, in the year 2020 how can anyone be sure about anything in this respect? What are the new rules that must now apply in all of this currently, and how does a guy navigate them?

I lived through the 1980s when HIV was rampant but particularly among gay men. The method of transmission was quickly identified as oral and anal sex involving the exchange of bodily fluids between two men. All of this quickly affected gay men who have casual sex historically with multiple partners, and I think soon really reduced the amount of anal and oral sex that went on. At the same time there was a quest for new sexually-satisfying ways to enjoy a male partner without actually engaging in sex that would exchange bodily fluids, and to a degree, this effort is still ongoing.

On the female side, concerns over HIV really dampened the enthusiasm of women for having sex with any male that they did not know really well, partly because the female could never be certain that the guy had never engaged in sex with another male. And, of course the drug transmission thing added even more confusion. So even among straight males, a lot of stuff had clearly changed. And even among straight men there was renewed interest in finding ways to enjoy being with a partner sexually without taking the risks that are part of actually exchanging bodily fluids. For the straight guys we are talking an unexpected pregnancy as well as any number of STD’s. The list of problems is much larger than that.

Then there is the question of what is sex versus engaging in erotic activities that somehow are defined as not sex. You have likely read my stories about two college dorm roommates who discovered that they each are very fond (turned on by) watching the other masturbate and perhaps masturbate together in the privacy of a dorm room. Are these guys somehow having sex even though their bodies never touch? Are they straight? Gay? Somewhere in between?

If I like watching another guy struggling while attempting to get himself into a skimpy swim brief and this ignites my turn-on bells, so to speak, what does that mean, anyway, and what if anything does that say about my own sexual orientation? What if the guy who is struggling seems to “enjoy” having an audience of guys watching him struggle? All of these are messy questions that do not have clear answers if they have any answers at all.

Suppose I admit that I get aroused just getting into a neat little swim brief without even thinking about having sex with a partner. Suppose that my wife or other long-term female partner has discovered this about me. Will she encourage me to have this kind of fun, or will she start sobbing uncontrollably because getting aroused is suddenly focused on the brief but not about her? Is my “unique” arousal method compatible with a long-term relationship with a female? Well, that depends…..

Or suppose I have come to the conclusion that I might be “sorta” gay. Is there a gay partner for me that is not into oral or anal intercourse but is very fond of seeing another guy aroused in a swim brief, and perhaps even enjoys doing the same thing at the same time? Where would this all lead, anyway? This is complicated stuff to try to sort through for sure. How would a guy even start to find a male someone who has the same interests?

The other option of course is for the guy to not even attempt to find a partner, male or female, but keep discovering new ways to enjoy his own body in private. There are lots of ways to do that, and I have pursued this for over 60 years. After this long period of time every day presents a new opportunity to try something interesting and potentially erotic.

I have shared a lot of this with you, my readers, already. I hope you aren’t getting bored with this. I know that what works and doesn’t work for any guy is very individualized. For some guys it is all about the partner. For others, not so much, if at all. The latter is still OK. Actually, more than OK. At least for me, more like terrific!

To be continued…