[sebbie]

Thinking this morning about sex, life and swim briefs

Sometimes I go into a very deep-thinking, contemplative mood. Not quite “Why am I here?” but close to that. I live what can only be described as a solitary lifestyle. I never have cared that much about just hanging out with other people, the activity that most people seem to greatly enjoy. I am fine in situations where I must do this. I do not see myself as either a social nerd or as an outcast. Still, there is something about me that says I am happiest when I am alone, just tapping on my computer as well as engaging in other “activities” that are probably best done in private. In some ways, both mentally and physically, I am perfectly adapted to a covid-style shutdown. Over the years I have discovered all sorts of ways to enjoy myself while living in near-isolation.

The mystery that has always been confusing to me is why so many people seem to live for being in social and often sexual situations with other people. I have found this other way of life where I can be perfectly happy just being myself. Being around other people generally not what makes me happy. I discovered this at a very early age, maybe 12 or 13, when my parents thought I was old enough so that I could stay at home by myself when they went off running errands of various sorts. Of course it did not take me long to learn that these were real points in time for discovering how some interesting parts of my body worked. It wasn’t long before I was masturbating while wearing swimming gear I had in my dresser drawer or even in my underwear I had grown out of. After just a single session I was leaving some big cum-stains on various items of clothing, not to mention my bed sheets, and I was hoping that mom would not notice the interesting starchy yellow cum stains or if she did, she would not say anything to me about how they got there. Mom was great in that regard. At some level I was embarrassed about all of this but I was having so much sheer fun there was no way I could quit.

When I went off to college, I was always interested in figuring out how I was going to be able to continue to masturbate on a frequent basis without creating social issues with a roommate. But I managed to find a single dorm room that was connected to two double rooms with a shared common bath. Perfect! I could close my door and masturbate to my heart’s content and then just act normal around my suitemates without leaving any clues about my deep fondness for having solo sex. I was adapting very well to a lifestyle I enjoyed very much and increasingly developing a fondness for snug-fitting clothing that helped me get off on a frequent basis. I was doing my own laundry as well.

Over 50 years have passed and I still greatly enjoy doing a lot of the same things I enjoyed doing way back then. And in the process I have managed to remain a very happy person without ever getting into a messy sexual relationship with another person. This may seem weird to guys whose entire sexual being is intertwined with the idea of a sexual relationship with another, but from my vantage point the endless chases that guys go into in an effort to find this other person is the weird stuff and my situation is the normal one. It seems to me that a lot of guys are miserable in large measure because they never find what they are looking for. I have ended up assisting other guys going through one or more divorces—too many of them in my mind. I think I am seen as something of an interesting “case” simply because my happiness does not appear to be tied to a relationship. I know a lot of interesting stuff about being a happy guy who remains single and unattached.

As I was getting ready for bed last night I was thinking about all of this. I had just gone through my new nightly routine similar to what I described in the previous chapter and was in the process of picking out items to wear as sleepwear. I read a lot of stuff related to relationship sex problems guys are having with women. There are two tricky parts about male-female sex. First, “real” sex is supposed to result in an orgasm for both partners at the end, and second, ideally both orgasms should occur at about the same time. In particular it is usually the guy who ends up going into an orgasm first and the female orgasm comes later, and if the sex manuals are right, oftentimes for the female not at all. So the female ends up acting like she had an orgasm when in reality she did not end up where she desperately wanted to be. For guys, this is a medical condition called premature ejaculation. Great male lovers have conquered this.

So I am a big fan of edging for guys, though as a solo-sex not partner-sex activity for guys. I dare say that I have gotten very good at “bubbling along” just beneath the level where the involuntary muscle contractions begin. Learning to edge is an interesting way of developing one’s skills in delaying orgasm and thus reducing the instances where premature ejaculation in male-female partner sex occurs. But in relationship sex a guy often gets so focused on the need to ejaculate that the idea of holding off gets lost. Is not a guy more of a man if he ejaculates almost immediately in male-female partner sex? Well, maybe (or perhaps surely) not.

Still, how can a guy realistically practice edging if he is in a relationship situation 24/7 with a sexual partner? Not simple if the partner is female. And I often think that a gay male couple has some advantages here over a male-female couple, in part because the male partner might also find the edging techniques enjoyable to learn as a “together” activity. But, M-F, the situation changes entirely.

So, I keep going along edging (the slang term is getting hot-and-bothered) day-after-day. I have not felt the admittedly wonderful involuntary muscle contractions down there in well over a week. How long can I stand abusing my body this way? Well, much longer than when I was 30. Some 40 years later I fall asleep quickly when I am horny. I pick out something to wear as sleepwear, another thong, another swim brief and really tight running tights. I quickly fall asleep. I do not wake up until about 6 AM. I am still feeling just as horny as I did when I crawled into bed. In this state, ordinary problems and issues that might consume my attention during the day seem not so important at all largely because I am still feeling so good down there. This is amazing. Great fun. It’s almost like being 13 all over again. My body is a wonderful place to be. True, I am isolated and that is actually a great place to be as well. I’m looking forward to another night just like last night. Ejaculation is this momentary burst of intense pleasure, but edging is really where it is at and what I want to keep doing by, to and with myself.

Enjoy!