[sebbie]

Thoughts on life as a single guy

Every guy likes to enjoy himself in a host of different ways, both sexual and otherwise. It is part of who we are as human beings. I have long thought about the role that relationships play in a guy’s life. Some guys seem to exist mainly because they enjoy being with other people. This is not an issue of sexual orientation as such. A lot of guys who are partnered with females still enjoy having time to simply hang out with other guys—male friends—in nonsexual ways. This continuing interest drives some females—not all—bonkers.

Women generally grow up to believe that the female must be the sole source of sexual pleasure for a guy, and that if this is not the case, then at minimum, she picked the wrong guy to be with or perhaps she is somehow doing something “wrong”. At some point for her, having sex with her guy may become a burden not a source of pleasure in the relationship. And the relationship begins to crumble.

For guys, however, the situation can be even more complicated. Growing up to be a young adult, every guy learned dozens of ways to enjoy himself often without anyone else being around. By the time a guy becomes a young adult and is about to marry, he has built up a long list of techniques that he enjoys for jerking off. This list is pretty much “off limits” to the new wife, who believes that she will now be the the path by which guy will ever again be able to enjoy his own body.

What kinds of things are on this list? If you read through all of what I have written, you have been introduced to a host of different techniques that I regularly employ for self-pleasuring. I have added a few things over the years, but a basic problem remains. I have this large collection of swim briefs, jock straps, compression gear etc that I really “enjoy” wearing. If I get into a relationship, surely the sexual partner at some point will start to think that this stuff interferes with the partner part of the sexual relationship. Other guys seem to be concerned that if they are not in a relationship that they will not be sexually happy. But I keep thinking that the only real way for me to be sexually unhappy is to be stuck in a relationship doing only the things my partner thinks are OK and is an important part of. I have never found a satisfactory positive answer as to why I should be sexually happier in a relationship than not in a relationship.

That may sound crazy to some, but at some point and with practice a guy gets so good at “self abuse” that a relationship with a sexual partner becomes unimportant. I have developed for my readers long essays on the specifics of how to do that. For a lot of guys, even in adulthood, the specific techniques one uses in self-pleasuring is as closely a guarded secret as is possible. I suppose the Internet and video porn sites have opened to window a bit on how guys masturbate and exactly what happens. These sites generally have no solo-sex section. Presumably the straight section shows videos of guys having sex with a female partner, and the gay (male) section should show guys having sex with a male partner, usually oral or anal or both.

How two partners engage in sex is not really that interesting to see. We all pretty much know how that is done. But the really interesting videos are the ones that show the techniques guys employ while masturbating. The videos provide a window on this area of being male that for most guys is kept as a huge and dark secret.

The male masturbation videos with only a guy in them are all in the “gay” section. I suppose the reason is that it is assumed that gay guys are interested in seeing other guys masturbate. But why should this only be of interest to a guy who thinks he is gay? Straight guys masturbate too and are interesting in delving into the answers to the question guys never dare ask as teenagers. Do other guys my age like doing this as much as I do and if so, have they learned some methods I have not yet uncovered?

Once a guy enters a sexual relationship, the list of things the guy enjoys doing with, to and by himself is still there, and the ideas on the list are still as much fun as they always were. How to proceed? Will the partner-sex activities be so enjoyable that the list will somehow recede, psychologically, and gradually no longer be important to the guy? Can some of the fun things on the list be incorporated in some way into the relationship sex? And how will the partner feel about that. Does the partner enter the relationship with her or his own list, and, if so, can the lists be somehow shared and merged into one?

These are important (critical) questions that must get resolved in any relationship that involves regular sex with a partner. But even relationships may not last forever. Guys divorce, quite frequently. A sexual partner may die, leaving a guy alone once again and without a regular sexual partner,

But the list is still there, and with luck, once a guy is alone again he can fall back on doing some of the same things he enjoyed by himself long before he had a sexual partner. Fun things! Things that make life as we know it for guys once again whole. Maybe this is a better strategy than trying to quickly start a new relationship. That is worth pondering.

As single guy living alone my entire adult life I can say that I have enjoyed myself and my life tremendously. I have watched as my peers struggled with relationship issues and constantly been happy with respect to not having to deal with that. If my friends think my life has somehow been sexually unsatisfying that is their problem not mine. They are making assumptions that are simply not true. I probably do have a larger collection than most guys have that is labeled “garments I ‘enjoy’ wearing” but each of those is there for a purpose. What I do by and with myself works for me, and that is really all that matters.