[sebbie]

Part XVI

In male-female intercourse, timing is everything. In particular, both participants must a. achieve orgasm and b. this should occur as close to the same time as possible.

For most guys who face a timing problem, it is usually a situation whereby the guy ejaculates too quickly. The medical term for this is premature ejaculation. The frequent consequence of premature ejaculation is that a guy comes so fast that the female does not achieve an orgasm at all. This in turn leads to an assortment of marital problems and issues, culminating in the conclusion that, to put it politely, that the couple is not “sexually compatible”. In short, the good life with a female partner is all about getting the timing right. And, in particular, in the usual case a guy needs to develop his skills at remaining aroused but just under the level where ejaculation takes place. Having developed that skill, the guy might very well be able to make love for an extended period of time. The greatest lovers are able to train themselves to stay aroused but not ejaculate such that the woman can have multiple orgasms in a single lovemaking session, a session that might last 20 or 30 minutes not 2 or 3 minutes. Indeed, that is the goal.

Once past puberty guys quickly become fully aware of how much pure enjoyment is obtained from the male orgasm. The sensations often hit like a lightning bolt and are not to be stopped let alone delayed. The sheer enjoyment of all the events starting with the initial arousal leading via perhaps a long circuitous path that ends with a powerful orgasm is largely ignored. Everything is about the orgasm itself, not the events leading to the orgasm.

So guys usually masturbate directly to orgasm. That lesson was learned quickly. That is what they know how to do. Time is wasting. Orgasms are terrific fun but a guy needs to move quickly and get it over with before, horror of horrors, someone should walk in on him unexpectedly or otherwise figure out what he is doing to and with himself. This is just great training for a guy who will end up ejaculating prematurely as a young adult now in a relationship with a female. What better lesson could there be in teaching yourself how to have an orgasm before she does than seeing how fast you can masturbate to a full orgasm. Sure, keep doing that for months and years and you will have the wrong lovemaking technique down pat.

Sexual arousal is odd in a host of different ways. There are probably as many paths or techniques that guys employ to reach an orgasm as there are guys. This is particularly the case when we are talking about sex by and with yourself. Many of the classic methods purportedly involve porno magazines and videos of one sort or another. I never quite thought that methods employing these two items were quite as popular nor worked quite as well as was generally believed.

Be aware that sometimes guys get themselves in a medical situation where a semen sample is required. What this means that the guy needs to figure out a way of getting himself worked up enough to have an orgasm, but in the complete privacy of a bathroom stall. If the movies are accurate, giving a guy a porno magazine in such a setting is quite common. I have no idea as to whether this scheme somehow works for most guys or not.

I know I am not wired that way. I suspect a lot of other guys might not be either. For me, its all about the touch, the sensation of having something bearing down snuggly and smoothly around my penis. I am very fond of the sensations the underside of my penis is able to generate even when I am only partially hard. I suspect there are other guys who are wired much the same. The porno mags and videos for the most part are bleah… To each his own, I guess.

But, I also know the greatest enjoyment from sex—alone or with a partner—comes from an developing skills that specifically allow a guy to build ever so slowly. I learned these skills, largely on my own, gradually over a lifetime, and infrequently discovering little sexual pleasure hot spots for guys that I was not previously aware of. That I am not quite wired in the same way I think some of my male friends are wired in all of this I see as an advantage not a problem. I have found a path that is both important and useful.

In or out of a relationship a guy can train himself to enjoy himself more in solo sex and be a better lover in partner sex. The lessons cannot all be accomplished in a short period of time. A guy who is used to jerking off quickly is not going to be able to break some undesirable habits given that he is marrying in only a few weeks or even months.

The issue does not get a lot of attention for two reasons

1. How a guy learned to jerk off quickly involves admitting to someone else that he masturbates

2. Even nowadays solo masturbation continues to reign as being politically incorrect and the subject a guy dare not mention to anyone.

I keep asking myself over and over whether two gay guys in a sexual partnership are able to deal with what I have just told you any easier than a heterosexual couple would. On one hand, it should be easier in part because guys generally understand how other guys are sexually wired at least better than how guys understand how females are sexually wired.

To be continued…