[sebbie]

Ahhh, the Sensations. It wasn’t long after puberty came on that I discovered that I was able to do something that I thought was really interesting. Almost by accident, I discovered that I could take myself from a normal (flaccid) state to a full scale erection and, interestingly enough, sometimes even to a full-scale orgasm without ever even touching my penis. I merely needed to be in the right (though some might say wrong) state of mind and not be distracted by anything other than the interesting sensations I was feeling moment-by-moment in my groin area. I quickly learned however that sexual arousal in this form was something of a full-body experience. What started out as sensations emanating mainly from the groin area suddenly encompassed in a very strange way my entire mind and body.

I was endlessly fascinated with this, and enjoying myself immensely when it happened. Yet at the same time I was terrified at the whole thought that it was that easy for me to get off and, obviously, what kind of a situation would I get myself into if this most fascinating sequence of events happened in some time or place that was embarrassing or otherwise inappropriate? At that age, I kept wondering too if I was the only guy in the world who had a unique set of skills of being able to ejaculate without even having to touch myself, or whether the other guys my age commonly had a similar skill or “problem” with just being a guy.

A was but vaguely aware of the fact that masturbation was also known as self-abuse, which implied that I should have to do something to myself, say maybe touch or lightly stroke my penis. But I was at the age where I was regularly having something called nocturnal emissions. I would wake up in the morning and there would be a starchy oval stain on the front of my PJs.

Ejaculate can be messy. I quickly learned that while these ejaculations while I was still asleep were OK , it was just a heck of a lot more fun if I could get myself in a mode so I would wake up just before I blew. And not long after that, if I woke up with just a full erection going on I could use my hand as a tool to explore and enjoy the sweet sensations coming from the nerve endings in my penis while bringing everything to a powerful conclusion at, say, 2 AM. In which case the semen stains on my pajamas would likely be dry by morning and I could just get up in the morning and act nonchalant as if nothing weird or out-of-place had happened.

I learned a lot about how guys work, sexually, in those cold winter bedtime nights as a teenager, information that has served me well over the decades. I kept wondering if the other guys my age were having similar experiences, but I never dared ask any of my peers, being concerned that if I raised the issues with them I would be looked upon as even weirder than they thought I was already.

Having said that, when it comes to the nuances of sexual arousal, there are probably nearly as many mechanisms for getting turned on as there are guys out there, and all of this tends to be very personal stuff. So personal in fact that it is a wonder to me that as many guys as do manage to somehow find sexual partners that they feel comfortable sharing sexual turn-ons and that generally the world operates as smoothly relationship-wise as it does. I’ve come to realize that for many guys, getting turned on sexually is so intertwined with finding the “right” sexual partner that it is all but impossible to separate the two. Yet at the same time there are lots of different ways of enjoying yourself sexually that in no way endangers or even involves another person and yet is still enormously satisfying.

The very idea of enjoying yourself sexually without getting oneself involved with another person seems to bother a lot of people as if this were a manifestation of an illness of some sort, say the illness of being labeled a “social recluse”. People who are heavily involved in partner relationships tend to think that there is something surely wrong with those who for whatever reason do not see their lives as going that way, those who find dealing with the non-sexual aspects of living day by day with as sexual partner as being stifling, as in the air has been let out of the tires. Pity the poor guy who finds himself married but still enjoys masturbation methods he learned at an early age. Is he stuck meandering through life ever again getting to do the very things he so much enjoyed when he was younger, and single, or is he supposed to somehow act as if this is not still part of his very being?

At an early age, I fell in love with the sheer enjoyment of getting aroused. I’m sure that is evident in everything I have written here. But I also quickly discovered that some snug-fitting item of clothing could make it all even more fun. If that sounds weird, or abnormal to guys whose arousal triggering method is totally intermingled with the idea of being with a partner for sex so be it, but from my perspective I think I was the one who got lucky in that I can still enjoy myself a lot completely free of the burdens associated with day-to-day life with a partner. At the same time I certainly would not call myself asexual at all. Indeed, writing all these stories so that others may read has been very cathartic for me.

Over the years, I have had many male friends who have gone into and then out of relationships with women. I watched these guys muddle through their lives, often in the unhappy phases of various marriages, sometimes not only one but maybe a succession of two, three or even more failed marriages. Almost invariably the guy eventually decides that this marriage is the last for him, and that what needed to happen to keep his latest sexual partner happy just overwhelm him. The same questions keep popping into my head over and over, but I never dare share with them what I have written here.

Think about what I have just told you. A lot of guys could choose to live a perfectly normal single life that is full of immense sexual pleasure without ever even getting involved sexually with another person. A relationship is no certain path to sexual happiness. There are a few techniques that a guy needs to know about how his own sexual body works in order to accomplish this, but by and large they are not difficult to learn. The most difficult part is, at first, dealing with the questions related to “why aren’t you married?” and then the inevitable rumors that must circulate that if you don’t have a wife at a certain age you therefore must be gay. But the rumor-mongering soon stops, and you can go back to having a very pleasant life sexually and non-sexually, free of most of the headaches that your partnered friends are trying to handle.

This is a happy thought, not sad.

To be continued…